About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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itsalanis's favorite FMLs
by waterbottlehit / 12/02/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML
by hannahlorraine / 11/24/2011 at 10:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Justforlolz / 11/24/2011 at 11:46am / United States (New York) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
by lababy / 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 12:34am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
by kdeeeceee / 11/09/2011 at 12:59am / United States / Love
Today, my mom told my girlfriend an embarrassing story about me, along the lines of whenever my parents would take me school clothes shopping, I'd cry because I hated all the choices they gave me. The most recent incident of this? Last year. I'm 18. FML
by Czechplease / 11/03/2011 at 10:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Tyler Smith / 11/03/2011 at 7:48am / United States / Miscellaneous
by sad / 10/25/2011 at 6:15am / Reserved / Intimacy
Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML
by Dv0829 / 10/21/2011 at 1:42am / United States (Utah) / Animals
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
by MLGreco / 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, while on holiday in Morocco, I got arrested by a cop. “Sir, you were driving at 90 instead…