Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

itsalanis

Offline (3 hours ago) | Search for a member

itsalanis

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4231
  • Number of comments : 165
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>MentalMonkey333</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 3:25am<b>fuckingoboys</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 8:55pm<b>oops6663</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 1:47pm<b>Vegetarian27</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 5:07am<b>MrSassypants</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 6:24pm<b>Saraj07</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 3:41pm<b>Rallred32</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 2:52pm<b>dandee_one</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 2:18pm<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 9:22am<b>FrutLoopDingus</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 12:23pm<b>stevothedevo</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 1:50am<b>mordecaiandrigby</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 3:26pm<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 8:42pm<b>jack123456789</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 3:54am<b>crushcrusher</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 2:14am<b>PerditaDessa</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 10:00pm<b>ctck</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 8:05pm<b>RandEm2497</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 9:06pm

Liked!<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom. FML

#17278350
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26610) - you deserved it (2678)

On 07/27/2011 at 9:50am - misc - by kelsjenks - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

#17266152
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20594) - you deserved it (2641)

On 07/26/2011 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

#17259665
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15559) - you deserved it (26185)

On 07/25/2011 at 10:03pm - misc - by j - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

#17213168
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10414) - you deserved it (94407)

On 07/22/2011 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

#17123749
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38766) - you deserved it (7197)

On 07/15/2011 at 3:51pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

#17029350
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29788) - you deserved it (20112)

On 07/08/2011 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Joe - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

#16974064
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27560) - you deserved it (3577)

On 07/04/2011 at 3:06pm - misc - by Kate - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

#16908147
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10156) - you deserved it (77929)

On 06/29/2011 at 10:55am - misc - by ashleyrae (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I walked around for hours with a post-it on my back reading "I JUST HAD SEX!" My boyfriend stuck it on me. FML

#16846296
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36481) - you deserved it (7647)

On 06/25/2011 at 4:39am - intimacy - by suxx - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I watched my boss try to stick a magnet to cardboard. FML

#16671761
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37550) - you deserved it (3500)

On 06/15/2011 at 1:46am - work - by MegaBear - United States

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12662) - you deserved it (57939)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

#16576766
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37576) - you deserved it (16334)

On 06/09/2011 at 11:04am - health - by wtf - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

#16494046
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44101) - you deserved it (3268)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:15am - work - by zain - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

#16399874
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60245) - you deserved it (12596)

On 05/29/2011 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML

#16261628
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24638) - you deserved it (7928)

On 05/20/2011 at 12:12am - misc - by Mandy (woman) - United States (California)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: