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itsalanis

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itsalanis

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 11 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6658
  • Number of comments : 179
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>LilMsDulce</b> - the 06/22/2015 at 8:17am<b>w0nd3rl4nd</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 7:34am<b>Dexter83</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 2:06am<b>rnarshmallow</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 1:58am<b>juice_33</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:37am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:28am<b>Hildy93</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:20am<b>dantee2005</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:07am<b>sandman676</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 11:28pm<b>Replyka</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:36pm<b>ironhead</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:34pm<b>BakenWake420</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:10pm<b>FutBol_Fan_30</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:03pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 7:29pm<b>AraSmith</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 6:27pm<b>jgwyh</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 10:31am<b>jet223</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 11:16pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 5:28pm

Fucked!<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

#17557717
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27750) - you deserved it (6596)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by lonely (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

#17557500
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20124) - you deserved it (53363)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML

#17544670
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8691) - you deserved it (37588)

On 08/22/2011 at 2:04am - animals - by vishuzzbabe77 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 am because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

#17507897
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27195) - you deserved it (3197)

On 08/18/2011 at 6:02am - misc - by boyfriend123 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

#17406158
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28403) - you deserved it (3935)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

#17384157
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30796) - you deserved it (3498)

On 08/06/2011 at 1:53am - misc - by nomorecookies - United States (Missouri)

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

#17376503
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8101) - you deserved it (64308)

On 08/05/2011 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I went into a crowded store and tried out a blazer. I was thinking to myself how hot I looked in it when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and politely said, "Excuse me sir, that's a ladies' blazer." FML

#17374086
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25002) - you deserved it (9499)

On 08/05/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by Fred - Japan

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45240) - you deserved it (14957)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

#17333376
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35886) - you deserved it (9035)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:18pm - misc - by OhDeary (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

#17302566
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28506) - you deserved it (17115)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

#17298828
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31580) - you deserved it (5956)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:17pm - animals - by Username - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

#17281952
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39251) - you deserved it (5794)

On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom. FML

#17278350
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28744) - you deserved it (2864)

On 07/27/2011 at 9:50am - misc - by kelsjenks - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

#17266152
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20746) - you deserved it (2651)

On 07/26/2011 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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