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itsalanis

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itsalanis

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7200
  • Number of comments : 191
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>vikky538</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 8:57am<b>Darkblade21</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:37am<b>rpgman83</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 11:18pm<b>shay_serendipity</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 11:15pm<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 10:05pm<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 10:27pm<b>moondoggie</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 11:54pm<b>sma30135</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 2:06am<b>Atheepic</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 4:30pm<b>wil1029</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 1:22pm<b>leeleeamber</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 3:46am<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 9:53pm<b>jbizzle1987</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 9:01pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 12:54am<b>burnsky</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 11:00pm<b>MagicFez</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 10:15pm<b>monzu</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 7:36pm<b>Bloodknight</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 7:13pm

Fucked!<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that I was adopted. I'm 46 years old with 11 real siblings and no one bothered to tell me until I found the documents in my dead adoptive father's house. FML

#17609010
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31778) - you deserved it (2194)

On 08/29/2011 at 12:06am - misc - by Ariella - Singapore

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law is house hunting in my town. There is a house for sale 2 doors down from me. In her price range. FML

#17574170
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32833) - you deserved it (2283)

On 08/25/2011 at 12:47am - misc - by momma6126 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

#17557717
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30240) - you deserved it (6953)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by lonely (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

#17557500
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20617) - you deserved it (54296)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML

#17544670
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8701) - you deserved it (37624)

On 08/22/2011 at 2:04am - animals - by vishuzzbabe77 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 am because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

#17507897
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27237) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/18/2011 at 6:02am - misc - by boyfriend123 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

#17406158
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31077) - you deserved it (4202)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

#17384157
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32033) - you deserved it (3607)

On 08/06/2011 at 1:53am - misc - by nomorecookies - United States (Missouri)

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

#17376503
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8110) - you deserved it (64394)

On 08/05/2011 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I went into a crowded store and tried out a blazer. I was thinking to myself how hot I looked in it when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and politely said, "Excuse me sir, that's a ladies' blazer." FML

#17374086
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (9503)

On 08/05/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by Fred - Japan

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45293) - you deserved it (14964)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

#17333376
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38510) - you deserved it (9354)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:18pm - misc - by OhDeary (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

#17302566
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28533) - you deserved it (17122)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

#17298828
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32313) - you deserved it (6038)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:17pm - animals - by Username - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

#17281952
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39945) - you deserved it (5864)

On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)



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