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itsalanis

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itsalanis

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 8118
  • Number of comments : 227
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>DejaRenee</b> - 2 hours ago<b>battousai1995</b> - 23 hours ago<b>ievster</b> - yesterday at 5:57pm<b>Steffi3</b> - yesterday at 3:31pm<b>22JB</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 3:49pm<b>lenardMcCravits</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:20pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 11:47am<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 8:08am<b>ChippyChoppy</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 5:28am<b>OwlsMakeBowels</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 10:57am<b>wolfchick1709</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 3:55am<b>PDSot</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 7:59pm<b>vsus98</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 5:25pm<b>sythe511</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 2:47am<b>Lalala579121</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 9:33pm<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 11:46pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 12:24am

Fucked!<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

#18036451
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26652) - you deserved it (4642)

On 10/21/2011 at 1:42am - animals - by Dv0829 - United States (Utah)

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49901) - you deserved it (5508)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

#17911621
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28898) - you deserved it (21611)

On 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm - animals - by Beeisc00l - Reserved

Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML

#17899100
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13515) - you deserved it (52465)

On 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm - misc - by danii - Reserved

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

#17888360
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21358) - you deserved it (14225)

On 10/02/2011 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

#17884262
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33678) - you deserved it (3207)

On 10/02/2011 at 2:36am - misc - by Emmy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

#17874410
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29552) - you deserved it (6595)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

#17848312
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26453) - you deserved it (2235)

On 09/27/2011 at 3:25pm - health - by fml - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

#17839732
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42164) - you deserved it (3415)

On 09/26/2011 at 2:52pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

#17804302
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27510) - you deserved it (16085)

On 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

#17801951
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10171) - you deserved it (52886)

On 09/22/2011 at 1:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

#17709255
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16764) - you deserved it (34187)

On 09/10/2011 at 3:11am - misc - by FullOfNick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

#17703209
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35284) - you deserved it (4085)

On 09/09/2011 at 9:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

#17649576
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39560) - you deserved it (3716)

On 09/03/2011 at 12:48am - love - by CHStennis_4 - United States (Utah)

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

#17628880
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30120) - you deserved it (10853)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)



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