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itsalanis

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itsalanis

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 8072
  • Number of comments : 226
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>lenardMcCravits</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:20pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 11:47am<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 8:08am<b>ChippyChoppy</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 5:28am<b>OwlsMakeBowels</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 10:57am<b>wolfchick1709</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 3:55am<b>PDSot</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 7:59pm<b>vsus98</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 5:25pm<b>sythe511</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 2:47am<b>Lalala579121</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 9:33pm<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 11:46pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 12:24am<b>Senra</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 12:46am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 11:43pm<b>MiLM</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 11:45am<b>seninaa</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 5:04pm<b>boostedc</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 2:10pm

Fucked!<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

#18447491
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31480) - you deserved it (3870)

On 12/06/2011 at 8:01pm - misc - by jackgrant (man) - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML

#18444351
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36998) - you deserved it (3096)

On 12/06/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by Rash (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

#18430652
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45001) - you deserved it (18004)

On 12/04/2011 at 8:30pm - intimacy - by Rumpkis (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

#18408949
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28412) - you deserved it (3294)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

#18398754
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35299) - you deserved it (4153)

On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

#18342108
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31347) - you deserved it (2657)

On 11/24/2011 at 10:12pm - misc - by hannahlorraine - United States

Today, while working at my local supermarket, a customer threw a turkey at me because we "should have bigger ones." FML

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

#18267814
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30763) - you deserved it (8491)

On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

#18255063
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39843) - you deserved it (20212)

On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy (woman) - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

#18242868
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34450) - you deserved it (4487)

On 11/14/2011 at 12:09am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

#18224618
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43132) - you deserved it (8225)

On 11/12/2011 at 12:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML

#18198987
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40644) - you deserved it (4371)

On 11/09/2011 at 12:59am - love - by kdeeeceee - United States

Today, my mom told my girlfriend an embarrassing story about me, along the lines of whenever my parents would take me school clothes shopping, I'd cry because I hated all the choices they gave me. The most recent incident of this? Last year. I'm 18. FML

#18146377
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15382) - you deserved it (32044)

On 11/03/2011 at 10:23am - misc - by Czechplease - United States

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

#18145802
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26509) - you deserved it (5516)

On 11/03/2011 at 7:48am - misc - by Tyler Smith - United States

Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML

#18070582
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29863) - you deserved it (35272)

On 10/25/2011 at 6:15am - intimacy - by sad - Reserved



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