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itsalanis

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itsalanis
  • Town/Country : Denver, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 1870
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that potato chips are made from potatoes. I'm 26. FML

#15803109
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9561) - you deserved it (70888)

On 04/16/2011 at 1:14am - misc - by Username - United States (California)

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

#15738282
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18314) - you deserved it (63194)

On 04/11/2011 at 9:16am - intimacy - by CheeseyPotatoes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

#15616538
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16403) - you deserved it (41608)

On 04/03/2011 at 3:02am - misc - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML

#15431465
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30054) - you deserved it (5664)

On 03/22/2011 at 1:10pm - misc - by jballer - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200 and a dog who apparently has a thing for marshmallows. FML

#15198573
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25922) - you deserved it (5397)

On 03/04/2011 at 5:57pm - money - by duncanisgey - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

#15184059
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35978) - you deserved it (22602)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

#15141244
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45220) - you deserved it (3597)

On 02/27/2011 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by Sam (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

#15079652
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18716) - you deserved it (30458)

On 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by CutieBooty (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

#14990064
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15194) - you deserved it (2713)

On 02/15/2011 at 12:13pm - misc - by Goatbeard (man) - United States (California)

Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML

#14984577
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25242) - you deserved it (4024)

On 02/15/2011 at 12:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML

#14780343
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20644) - you deserved it (31998)

On 01/30/2011 at 10:13pm - love - by gotnogame (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

#14750549
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30431) - you deserved it (3757)

On 01/28/2011 at 11:10pm - health - by Mervin22 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML

#14718702
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12826) - you deserved it (19477)

On 01/26/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by lizzy1843 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML

#14696721
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6087) - you deserved it (45670)

On 01/24/2011 at 10:00am - misc - by moxy -

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

#14671725
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48417) - you deserved it (4453)

On 01/22/2011 at 8:00am - intimacy - by fmlalways - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)



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