itsalanis

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itsalanis

8Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 9617
  • Number of comments : 242
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>Butterflies777</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 6:16pm<b>yanalynch</b> - the 07/20/2016 at 6:00am<b>2simz</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 11:15pm<b>JazzlaWazz</b> - the 07/06/2016 at 1:36pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 9:39pm<b>gradius1002</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 5:28pm<b>ebroks</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 4:32am<b>Imagino1234</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 1:39pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 11:57pm<b>aclark2523</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 1:22pm<b>OneOnJuanAction</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 3:27pm<b>DontClickOnMe</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 12:54am<b>FalloutScrolls</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 3:17pm<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 12:34am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 9:47am<b>individual00</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 3:15pm<b>aimeeowl</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 1:19pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 04/01/2016 at 1:19pm

Fucked!<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 5:57am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 3:47pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 6:17am<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

by slickrick22 / 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 2:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

by wobble... / 02/23/2012 at 6:29am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

by JukeboxValkyrie / 02/16/2012 at 2:52am / United States (Florida) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I fought back with words against a bully. He cried, and I got detention. FML

by sharpie2792 / 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

by jess / 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

by Gabby / 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

by great / 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States / Work

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2012 at 12:04am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

by Madzison / 02/06/2012 at 5:08am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm / India / Intimacy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2012 at 4:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

by Rachal / 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health