Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

itsalanis

Search for a member

itsalanis
  • Town/Country : Denver, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 1888
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's last visitors

NerdGirl321dstark26DMAN80182001EmeraldMoonshineBlue_BlackAmexBlackklovemachineits_bree

itsalanis's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

#17557717
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23303) - you deserved it (5986)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by lonely (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML

#17544670
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7308) - you deserved it (33928)

On 08/22/2011 at 2:04am - animals - by vishuzzbabe77 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 am because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

#17507897
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24524) - you deserved it (2961)

On 08/18/2011 at 6:02am - misc - by boyfriend123 - United States

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

#17384157
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24003) - you deserved it (2474)

On 08/06/2011 at 1:53am - misc - by nomorecookies - United States (Missouri)

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

#17376503
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6915) - you deserved it (59029)

On 08/05/2011 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I went into a crowded store and tried out a blazer. I was thinking to myself how hot I looked in it when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and politely said, "Excuse me sir, that's a ladies' blazer." FML

#17374086
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23215) - you deserved it (9179)

On 08/05/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by Fred - Japan

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36938) - you deserved it (10875)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

#17333376
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31402) - you deserved it (8476)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:18pm - misc - by OhDeary (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

#17302566
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23346) - you deserved it (12861)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

#17298828
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24768) - you deserved it (4412)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:17pm - animals - by Username - United States (South Carolina)

Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom. FML

#17278350
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24614) - you deserved it (2508)

On 07/27/2011 at 9:50am - misc - by kelsjenks - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

#17266152
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17980) - you deserved it (2357)

On 07/26/2011 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

#17259665
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14807) - you deserved it (25194)

On 07/25/2011 at 10:03pm - misc - by j - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

#17213168
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8632) - you deserved it (73447)

On 07/22/2011 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

#17123749
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33255) - you deserved it (5448)

On 07/15/2011 at 3:51pm - misc - by Username - United States



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: