About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
itsalanis's FML badges
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
by StinkyandStupid / 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was discussing the possibility of other life in the universe with my friend. She said the universe isn't big enough for it to be possible, and that we would know about it already, because "there are only 8 planets in the universe." FML
by daninalani / 03/11/2012 at 6:37pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by The Last One / 03/11/2012 at 1:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by cero_kewl / 03/05/2012 at 12:12am / United States / Work
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
by slickrick22 / 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 2:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by wobble... / 02/23/2012 at 6:29am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by JukeboxValkyrie / 02/16/2012 at 2:52am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by sharpie2792 / 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML
by jess / 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML
by Gabby / 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous