About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 5:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
by woohoo420 / 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/31/2012 at 11:10am / United States / Intimacy
by BookBabe / 03/25/2012 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by ANNIEDBD / 03/23/2012 at 5:44am / Ireland (Dublin) / Work
by J Rush / 03/21/2012 at 7:46am / United Kingdom (Powys) / Health
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
by StinkyandStupid / 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was discussing the possibility of other life in the universe with my friend. She said the universe isn't big enough for it to be possible, and that we would know about it already, because "there are only 8 planets in the universe." FML
by daninalani / 03/11/2012 at 6:37pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by The Last One / 03/11/2012 at 1:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by cero_kewl / 03/05/2012 at 12:12am / United States / Work
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
by slickrick22 / 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 2:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…