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itsalanis

Offline (the 05/26/2015 at 11:28pm) | Search for a member

itsalanis

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 11 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6403
  • Number of comments : 171
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>devildog562</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 11:02am<b>dakatabg</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 12:30pm<b>joelp232</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 9:29am<b>theslawdawg</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 4:06am<b>sh4rpestl1ves</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 8:15am<b>Cads1</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 4:48pm<b>Indecisionx</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 8:10pm<b>FleibenHolden</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 12:44pm<b>aclark2523</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 9:39pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 3:17pm<b>CoraJ</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 10:33pm<b>Jillian369</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 2:45pm<b>brendejafulable</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 12:38pm<b>njbane</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 3:36pm<b>Tanman334</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 2:11am<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 9:46am<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 9:26am<b>trinalporpus</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 9:41pm

Fucked!<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, my older brother burst into my bedroom at 4 am to show me photos of sushi. FML

Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML

#18623921
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25082) - you deserved it (2826)

On 12/27/2011 at 10:15am - health - by themuffinman (man) - Japan

Today, my husband left his laptop logged in to a chat site after leaving for work. Curious, I read some of the logs, and discovered he has been posing as a woman and holding filthy conversations with "hot teen lesbians" for the past several months. FML

#18599933
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46102) - you deserved it (5848)

On 12/24/2011 at 4:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML

#18586943
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31508) - you deserved it (3076)

On 12/23/2011 at 5:53am - love - by johncabbot25 (man) - Canada

Today, I woke up with Skittles super glued to my forehead. FML

#18561350
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29171) - you deserved it (5609)

On 12/20/2011 at 12:48pm - misc - by awalc - United States

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML

#18468865
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32030) - you deserved it (2828)

On 12/09/2011 at 2:38pm - love - by Vince (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

#18467948
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9668) - you deserved it (24445)

On 12/09/2011 at 11:26am - love - by LinaLinaYeah (woman) - Canada

Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

#18447491
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28010) - you deserved it (3535)

On 12/06/2011 at 8:01pm - misc - by jackgrant (man) - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML

#18444351
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33499) - you deserved it (2815)

On 12/06/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by Rash (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

#18430652
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43072) - you deserved it (17317)

On 12/04/2011 at 8:30pm - intimacy - by Rumpkis (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

#18408949
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25318) - you deserved it (3007)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

#18398754
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33126) - you deserved it (3957)

On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

#18342108
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29023) - you deserved it (2486)

On 11/24/2011 at 10:12pm - misc - by hannahlorraine - United States



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