itsalanis

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itsalanis

8Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 9194
  • Number of comments : 241
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>gradius1002</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 5:28pm<b>ebroks</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 4:32am<b>Imagino1234</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 1:39pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 11:57pm<b>aclark2523</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 1:22pm<b>OneOnJuanAction</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 3:27pm<b>DontClickOnMe</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 12:54am<b>FalloutScrolls</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 3:17pm<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 12:34am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 9:47am<b>individual00</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 3:15pm<b>aimeeowl</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 1:19pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 04/01/2016 at 1:19pm<b>NoBothersForMe</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 11:21am<b>Sonotsuave</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 6:12pm<b>McLake</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 11:47am<b>Lulz789</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 6:12am<b>andrmac</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 11:25pm

Fucked!<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 5:57am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 3:47pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 6:17am<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 5:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

by woohoo420 / 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2012 at 11:10am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

by BookBabe / 03/25/2012 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML

by ANNIEDBD / 03/23/2012 at 5:44am / Ireland (Dublin) / Work

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

by J Rush / 03/21/2012 at 7:46am / United Kingdom (Powys) / Health

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

by StinkyandStupid / 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was discussing the possibility of other life in the universe with my friend. She said the universe isn't big enough for it to be possible, and that we would know about it already, because "there are only 8 planets in the universe." FML

by daninalani / 03/11/2012 at 6:37pm / United States (California) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

by The Last One / 03/11/2012 at 1:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML

by cero_kewl / 03/05/2012 at 12:12am / United States / Work

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

by slickrick22 / 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 2:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy