About itsa_maddy : Most of my life scenarios are "fml" so this is by far my favorite website!
itsa_maddy's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
itsa_maddy's favorite FMLs
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2012 at 6:03am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was finally leaving my hometown to live in my dream city. Everything was packed, keys were handed in, goodbyes were made. The moment my truck began pulling out to get underway, the guy I had gotten a room from in my new city called to inform me that he decided to rent to someone else. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2012 at 1:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML
by sober / 07/09/2012 at 11:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML
by deadman / 07/09/2012 at 2:25pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Health
Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML
by LNamesOnly / 07/09/2012 at 3:31am / Australia / Kids
Today, after a particularly difficult late night workout at the gym, I decided to shower in the locker room. I must have passed out, because I later woke up naked, surrounded by police after someone called to report a dead body in the shower. FML
by wetandnaked / 07/09/2012 at 3:06am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 9:29pm / United States / Work
by moodyreallyrocks / 07/08/2012 at 8:30pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 11:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 7:26am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
by JadedBaker / 07/08/2012 at 2:58am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 1:18am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML
by cj1012 / 07/07/2012 at 11:16pm / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to make me dinner surrounded by a candlelight setting. By the time I got home, we had 7 firefighters surrounding our house. Turns out one of the candles fell on the carpet and lit up the curtain as well. FML
by mynameiscrazy / 07/07/2012 at 9:42pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
by sozzy / 07/07/2012 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous