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isorang's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
isorang's favorite FMLs
by AwkCockBlock / 03/06/2016 at 7:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, after finding out that my professor likes to talk trash about, and constantly belittle, Muslims in every American History class he teaches, I submitted an essay about Muslim contributions to humanity. He held me back after class and asked why I gave him such filth. I'm a Muslim. FML
by Upset / 02/03/2016 at 1:14pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, at my job drug testing high schoolers, I see that one of the kids selected for the testing looked incredibly high. So, after he goes in the bathroom and gives me his cup with his urine inside, I take a closer look and see that the little shit jizzed in the cup. I hate my job. FML
by zachhewett / 02/02/2016 at 5:53pm / United States (Alabama) / Work
by anonymous / 01/25/2016 at 9:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by hiitisbrooke / 11/23/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML
by sucked_in / 07/22/2015 at 10:32pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen so I went to work. On my walk to work a girl pulls up on my bike and says I need to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. Hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass as police surround me and accuse me of stealing my own bike. FML
by ThatSlappinBass / 04/17/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML
by Brasilian29 / 12/11/2014 at 7:01am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML
by justinmdent / 11/23/2014 at 10:48pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
by Ryuun12 / 10/02/2014 at 11:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 2:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML
by meltdowninrels / 08/15/2014 at 6:09pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love
- Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML Today, I found my electric globe. It asks you where a state, country or city is and you would have… Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to…
- Today, my best friend of 12 years told me she couldn't attend my wedding. What was so important to… Today my manager tried to force me to sign an employee contract (I've worked here a year) that she… Today, I visited a new tattoo parlor, as my previous artist made me uncomfortable with his drunken,…