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islandgirly's favorite FMLs
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm / United States / Kids
Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML
by radioinvader / 10/28/2012 at 8:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
by fiftyshardsofbroccoli / 10/26/2012 at 1:58pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML
by Watchtower? More like fortress. / 10/19/2012 at 5:39pm / Norway (Oslo) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by dagreatpumpkin / 10/02/2012 at 2:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML
by HenryRollinsForPresident / 09/25/2012 at 7:54am / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 1:28am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML
by NotDrunk / 09/11/2012 at 2:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/28/2012 at 12:29am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm / United States / Love
- Today, my mother was telling me how i use to suck on my dad's nipple's when i was hungry as a baby,… Today, at work a cute fill in employee struck up a conversation with me. We seemingly hit it off so… Today, my mom called the school and told the administration the seniors were planning to ditch so,…