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ishminday

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ishminday

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  • Number of visits : 563
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ishminday's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30945) - you deserved it (15421)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

#21213512
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41974) - you deserved it (5852)

On 07/18/2014 at 10:56pm - kids - by kids say the darnedest things - United States (Colorado)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47911) - you deserved it (3310)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

#21209874
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45168) - you deserved it (9777)

On 07/15/2014 at 4:37pm - love - by Jeff - United States

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML

#21208337
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33897) - you deserved it (8299)

On 07/13/2014 at 10:10pm - animals - by dogggg (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

#21207892
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39419) - you deserved it (5753)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

#21206411
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43323) - you deserved it (4185)

On 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42406) - you deserved it (7873)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48868) - you deserved it (6527)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

#21205559
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40107) - you deserved it (3465)

On 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm - misc - by look how totally not racist I am! - United States (California)

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

#21204913
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45237) - you deserved it (7839)

On 07/10/2014 at 9:34am - love - by oh my fucking god (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

#21203542
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41917) - you deserved it (3368)

On 07/09/2014 at 12:24am - work - by HowAreYouAlive - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

#21203004
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39264) - you deserved it (4830)

On 07/08/2014 at 3:55pm - animals - by Jack00412 - United States (New Jersey)



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