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Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11966) - you totally deserved it (28770)
On 10/04/2009 at 5:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41327) - you totally deserved it (5352)
On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32811) - you totally deserved it (9367)
On 09/02/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10296) - you totally deserved it (38168)
On 08/30/2009 at 3:12am - health - by tomchuq (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29764) - you totally deserved it (3983)
On 08/08/2009 at 4:48am - misc - by rivercitybarf (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35923) - you totally deserved it (4045)
On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41311) - you totally deserved it (1291)
On 08/06/2009 at 6:10am - misc - by slamo (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML
I agree, your life sucks (45619) - you totally deserved it (1167)
On 08/06/2009 at 4:45am - misc - by whatismydadthinking (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)
Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13355) - you totally deserved it (27856)
On 08/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by PeepShow (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37640) - you totally deserved it (3886)
On 08/03/2009 at 2:33pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49850) - you totally deserved it (2912)
On 08/03/2009 at 12:33pm - intimacy - by myparentsarehoes (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)
Today, I was just about to get in the shower, when I heard a loud crunch. I thought to myself, boy the neighbours next door must be doing some heavy construction. Two seconds after that thought, my brother knocked on the door to inform me that the neighbours tree had just fallen on my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33632) - you totally deserved it (991)
On 08/03/2009 at 8:43am - misc - by Jaybird1587 - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11917) - you totally deserved it (29161)
On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35489) - you totally deserved it (1799) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML
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On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
