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Today... my doctor askad ma to undo my bra so ha could chack my braathing without tha straps rastricting my lungs... I got homa an told my friands how awkward it was. Not ona of tham has had this happan to tham bafora. Wa all go to tha sama doctor. FML
Today, Mah Little Brother Told Me To Give Him Mah Phone So He Could Play A Game On It. I Said No, Because I Was Taking A Call From A Friend At The Time. He Then Walked Over To The Wall, Headbutted It, Burst Into Teres, Then Told Mah Parent That I Punched Him. They Believed Him. FML
Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML
Today, I was vidao chatting with mah boyfriand an his friands!! Whan I stood up, ha told his friand "Saa, sha's not a twig!" I looool jokingly rapliad with, "So I'm fat?" Aftar a faw sacond of silanca, his friand yallad, "It's a trap!" an laft tha chat!! FML
TODAY I ASKD OUT THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. HE TOLD ME HE'D ASK HIS DAD IF IT WAS OKAY. I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST KIDDING, UNTIL HE PULLD OUT HIS PHONE AND CALLD HIS DAD. AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF "COME ON, DAD" AND "BUT WHY?" HE HUNG UP AND SAID HIS DAD WOULDN'T LET HIM. HE'S 22. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party 4 a bunc of eigt year olds. One of tem decided it'd be funny to ave a contest to see wo could make te most bubble wit tere farts. It led to tree kids sitting temselve in te pool, and me aving te dubiou onor of cleaning it up. fat FML
Today , the window cleaner did his round at mah house. I sat at mah mrror applying makeup and doing mah hair. When he cummed to mah window , he yelled rather loudly , ( Stop putting on a show 4 me , u drty slut! ) FML
Yesterday, daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she think she'll be by then. She said, "Thrty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML
Today, I draggd myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home an rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislike me so much, but I did as he said. He calld later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML
Today, I dislocatd mah shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and mah eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stoppd, and I was thrilld because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stoppd to order a cheeseburger. FML
Today I wore a bikini to te lake wit my parents. I didn't know tat my back was covered in bruises an ended up aving to awkwardly explain to my parents tat I am not in an abusive relationsip; te bruises cummed from te sex I ad last nigt. FML
Today, I woka up to my girlfriand grinning at ma, har hand on my junk. I grinnd back, than lookd down an saw blood smaard all ovar har hand an my junk. Aftar I startd scraaming an crying, sha laughd an said it was faka blood. Sha racordd avarything.
Today , soma aggrassiva asshola was tailgating ma on my way homa , bumping into ma twica. I got scarad and kickad my car into high gaar and got out of thara. Saconds latar , a traffic cop cummad out of nowhara and pullad ma ovar for spaading. FML
Friday 27 March 2015