About ironik69 : You're the boss, and I'm nobody. Therefore, you are the boss of nobody. :D
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40605) - you deserved it (4301)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I didn't mind paying a little bit extra for my manicure because I forgot how nice it was to have someone hold your hand. Even if it was an old Asian lady. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27799) - you deserved it (3807)
On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by lonelygirl (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38585) - you deserved it (3270)
On 03/31/2013 at 9:32am - kids - by The_Black_Jesus - United States
Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54145) - you deserved it (6557)
On 03/27/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39453) - you deserved it (4875)
On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30250) - you deserved it (3023)
On 03/13/2013 at 9:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20349) - you deserved it (6208)
On 03/12/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28278) - you deserved it (2526)
On 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my teacher read my story about a haunted house for a class assignment. She liked it very much and turned it in to the office to be sent into a state writing competition. An hour later, I was called to the office where the guidance counselor called my work "disturbing" and said I "need help". FML
I agree, your life sucks (28127) - you deserved it (2159)
On 03/08/2013 at 6:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26128) - you deserved it (1514)
On 03/07/2013 at 12:10pm - love - by it's shitty, yeah, stfu (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)
Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34682) - you deserved it (3338)
On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States
Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25235) - you deserved it (8803)
On 03/05/2013 at 11:13am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40263) - you deserved it (3920)
On 03/04/2013 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by Thankshun (woman) - United States
Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32145) - you deserved it (6769)
On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31025) - you deserved it (8726)
On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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