This member hasn't filled in the description.
Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26584) - you totally deserved it (12640)
On 07/05/2009 at 2:16pm - misc - by shit... (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38033) - you totally deserved it (5956)
On 07/04/2009 at 12:49am - love - by Cococautly (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49212) - you totally deserved it (3937)
On 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by wildthing (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was vacuuming my car and started to joke around with my six year old brother by sucking up his shirt and hair with the vacuum. I accidently sucked up his penis. My mom has caught him three times with the vacuum now. I turned my brother into a pervert. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23264) - you totally deserved it (36997)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:12am - kids - by Perv (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14482) - you totally deserved it (28547)
On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32998) - you totally deserved it (2964)
On 05/31/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by ailat0107 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (37143) - you totally deserved it (4237)
On 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm - misc - by satanlovesme (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" and then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9257) - you totally deserved it (59399)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - misc - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43835) - you totally deserved it (1149)
On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11861) - you totally deserved it (69824)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16276) - you totally deserved it (44344)
On 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by 1suckatL1fe - United States (Virginia)
Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime of my car. I decided to take it to get a wash. I pulled up, put my vehicle in neutral, and kicked back as it slowly started to move. You never realize how long it takes a sun roof to close until water is dumping on your head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8597) - you totally deserved it (36583)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I went shopping at Macy's for swimsuits with my mom. I told my mom that I hated all the suits there, and that I wanted to get them at Dick's Sporting Goods. My mother then said, in a loud voice, "STOP BEING SO OBSESSED WITH DICKS!" Half the store stared at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60837) - you totally deserved it (6713)
On 04/23/2009 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by jpr11011 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45149) - you totally deserved it (3474)
On 04/15/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67349) - you totally deserved it (24957)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
