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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML
I agree, your life sucks (82291) - you deserved it (6166)
On 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by tinytitty (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (61501) - you deserved it (20263)
On 03/21/2009 at 9:16pm - intimacy - by AGluckily (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23265) - you deserved it (81343)
On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (45734) - you deserved it (23926)
On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)
Today, I finally told my best friend whom I've secretly been in love with for two years that I was in love with her but at the last second chickened out and said I was joking. She replied with "Don't scare me like that. I thought i was going to have to find a new best friend for a second" FML
I agree, your life sucks (56229) - you deserved it (5321)
On 03/06/2009 at 11:17pm - love - by crap (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53268) - you deserved it (17136)
On 02/23/2009 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by NeverGonnaGetAny (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (61401) - you deserved it (2559)
On 02/20/2009 at 4:24am - misc - by OutoftheLoop (woman) - China (Beijing)
Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39752) - you deserved it (4757)
On 02/11/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by toad (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, the creepy skin care guy at the mall with the heavy accent asked me if I was pregnant. When I said no he replied "Oh, too many donuts then?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (22741) - you deserved it (5587)
On 02/07/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by notpreggers (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone was trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I went onto my balcony and asked if everything was okay, and if she needed anything. She and her boyfriend shout back in unison: "We're F*ing, go away". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26550) - you deserved it (5595)
On 11/27/2008 at 3:52am - intimacy - by ehbe - Sent from mobile version
Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21186) - you deserved it (1678)
On 11/21/2008 at 7:53am - misc - by Kourou - Sent from mobile version
Friday 24 May 2013
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