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Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14637) - you totally deserved it (38657)
On 05/12/2009 at 7:09am - misc - by Rech (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15444) - you totally deserved it (52359)
On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)
Today, I paid for $60 haircut from a professional stylist. I look like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was that during the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to go see that new Star Trek movie?" Now wherever I go people are giving me the 'live long in prosper' sign. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39599) - you totally deserved it (5585)
On 05/05/2009 at 2:21am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4817) - you totally deserved it (49042)
On 05/04/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by daddyslittlegirl250 (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61175) - you totally deserved it (3017)
On 04/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by calliefml (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14868) - you totally deserved it (39279)
On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16370) - you totally deserved it (33899)
On 04/24/2009 at 9:55pm - misc - by fml (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47626) - you totally deserved it (5662)
On 04/24/2009 at 6:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12930) - you totally deserved it (50484)
On 04/24/2009 at 4:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I sent my boyfriend of three and a half years a text message spilling my heart out, saying I'll love him forever, and how much I appreciate him in my life, that I want to be the mother of his children, etc. His text back to me? "Are you drunk?!?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19049) - you totally deserved it (44442)
On 04/23/2009 at 9:35am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12138) - you totally deserved it (62962)
On 04/23/2009 at 7:42am - intimacy - by waitforit (man) - United States (California)
Today I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the F*ing thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7570) - you totally deserved it (39550)
On 04/23/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by edhalen (man) - United States
Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I proceeded to reading all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7446) - you totally deserved it (40082)
On 04/23/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by notexactly (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16602) - you totally deserved it (52359)
On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my grandma and I were watching the Ranger's playoff game. As Henrik Lundqvist received a standing ovation from the crowd after blocking 38 shots, she says to me, "Check out his equipment!" My 80-year old grandma just commented on Henrik Lundqvist's package. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27246) - you totally deserved it (2596)
On 04/22/2009 at 9:46pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
