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invisibleFlower's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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invisibleFlower's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, I received yet another rejection letter from a college I'd applied to. After crying for a week about how lousy I felt, my older sister gave me all 6 of the acceptance letters she'd been hiding. Turns out she's been forging rejection letters and keeping the real ones in her room. FML
by livingamongtheflowers / 05/15/2014 at 1:40am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML
by nofatchicks / 05/12/2014 at 7:49pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by Lookalike / 05/12/2014 at 10:38am / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
by Anonymous / 05/09/2014 at 6:03pm / South Africa / Miscellaneous
Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
by Sam / 05/04/2014 at 2:12am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML
by Felicityfrank / 05/01/2014 at 10:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by pleasestop / 04/30/2014 at 10:13pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids
Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML
by yes, yes it does :( / 04/30/2014 at 5:11pm / United States / Work
Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML
by Anon / 04/29/2014 at 10:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by loserman / 04/29/2014 at 6:40pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/28/2014 at 10:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML
by gassymomma / 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I… Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then… Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and…
- Today, I was listening to rock music and chilling with a few friends. I thought it would be funny… Today, I was looking forward to swimming for the entire day. As soon as I finally got in the water,… Today, locked out of my house for hours, I had to shit so badly that I found myself squatting under…
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I…