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invisibleFlower's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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invisibleFlower's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML
by hahaohyeahwow / 09/24/2014 at 12:24am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked and walked in, expecting to catch him red handed with a girl. He'd just beaten his high score on Flappy Bird. FML
by royallymessedup / 09/21/2014 at 11:33am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2014 at 11:03am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML
by tbree / 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2014 at 11:30am / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2014 at 3:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
by thebigtwinkie / 09/10/2014 at 3:52am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Love
Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML
by rugener92 / 09/04/2014 at 7:22pm / Kids
Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML
by confidence taken / 08/23/2014 at 2:26am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy
by ihatespiders / 08/05/2014 at 8:31am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by SirTalkaton / 08/03/2014 at 1:38pm / United States (California) / Geek
by Yeppets / 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm / United States / Love
by Ballsy427 / 07/25/2014 at 8:05am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work
- Today, I went to the Eiffel Tower with my boyfriend. We’d been talking about getting married for a… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was…