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invadermaythe1st

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invadermaythe1st

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1117
  • Number of comments : 84
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About invadermaythe1st : Eh, not much to say.

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invadermaythe1st's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of invadermaythe1st's badges

invadermaythe1st's favorite FMLs

Today, like every other day at work, I had to listen to people talk about being addicted to sex. I have to treat people for addiction to something I've never even had. FML

#21337533
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29917) - you deserved it (4576)

On 01/15/2015 at 10:12am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37661) - you deserved it (4670)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, after moving to a new neighbourhood, I went to meet my new neighbour. When she opened the door, all she said was, "Oh not you again!", and shut the door in my face. I have no memory of her. FML

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

#21291260
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35514) - you deserved it (4121)

On 11/03/2014 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Dezzy - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, I was stuck in heavy traffic. Bored, I looked to my left and noticed someone who seemed to be asleep at the wheel. After staring for a bit, wondering how people can be so negligent, I ended up hitting the car in front of me. FML

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42946) - you deserved it (4303)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

#21194527
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46950) - you deserved it (4140)

On 07/01/2014 at 12:26am - work - by where do they come from - United States (Washington)

Today, my daughter asked me how long she had to put her 2-minute noodles in the microwave for. FML

#21193510
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42498) - you deserved it (7254)

On 06/30/2014 at 7:40am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

#21190761
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42699) - you deserved it (8670)

On 06/27/2014 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I'm a college student working at Dollar Tree. The signs hanging every 10 ft, plastered on every box, every wall, every corner, say "Everything's $1." Someone asked me how much something was, because there was no price tag. This happens multiple times a day. FML

#21189564
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44609) - you deserved it (4370)

On 06/26/2014 at 8:07pm - work - by E.B. (woman) - United States (Mississippi)



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