inthemoonlight

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inthemoonlight

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 335
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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inthemoonlight's page activity

Visits<b>Wizardo</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 6:53pm

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inthemoonlight's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

by oops / 05/08/2013 at 10:44am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm / Thailand / Kids

Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2011 at 7:51pm / United States / Health

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

by Lame / 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML

by Hank Gummyworm / 06/16/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

by Username / 05/13/2011 at 4:13am / Transportation

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, Chocolate and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

by gymgirl / 05/05/2011 at 9:47am / Hong Kong / Health

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

by spiderwoman / 04/15/2011 at 7:47am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Animals

Today, it was sunny and bright so I woke up feeling great. I pulled back the curtains in my room and saw my cat dead on the lawn. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2011 at 3:11am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Animals

Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML

by Natalie / 04/01/2011 at 2:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2011 at 3:44am / United States (Utah) / Love