insomniacdreamer

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Offline (the 09/18/2014 at 4:22am)

insomniacdreamer

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 940
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About insomniacdreamer : I'm your typical teenager. Sort of. I have ADHD so don't ask if I suddenly appear to be lost in thought. I'll come back eventually. I'm a rapper, so if you can come up with a better joke than the rest of the doubters, I'll applaud you. If not, don't talk. Message me :)

insomniacdreamer's page activity

Visits<b>rockaroths</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 10:24pm<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 6:14pm<b>morondon000</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 12:29am<b>Bafrinn</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 5:03pm<b>forizidrizzi</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 3:39pm<b>Life_is_FML</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 1:10am<b>izbechillin</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 1:16pm<b>rowdyriot</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 11:27pm<b>katydid91</b> - the 05/26/2014 at 1:44am<b>moonlightknight</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 3:47pm<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 6:54pm<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 9:32pm<b>BeavisButthead</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 6:54pm<b>rabechan</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 11:34am<b>OysterPearls</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 11:17pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 7:52pm<b>Kitastropheee</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 4:51am<b>urnnotvase</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 7:41pm

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insomniacdreamer's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML

by bathtime / 12/20/2011 at 11:32pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

by ashleyrae / 06/29/2011 at 10:55am / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML

by jessefonsexy. / 12/07/2010 at 6:08am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I went to class with my bag packed for a weekend trip when it began to vibrate violently. Stopping mid-lecture, the professor approached me and asked politely if I could turn off my cell phone as I was disturbing the other 150 pupils in the class. It was my personal vibrator. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 7:01pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I looked skinny in my shorts. She jiggled my leg fat, looked up at me and walked away. FML

by Ashy104 / 01/09/2010 at 12:36am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:24pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

by hopefulanonymous / 11/20/2009 at 11:01am / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

by prickly / 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

by Madison43097 / 09/24/2009 at 4:57pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

by UhOhhhh / 09/08/2009 at 1:29pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2009 at 5:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2009 at 5:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2009 at 12:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party. The girl I'm madly in love with referred to me as her 'Gay Friend.' She refused to kiss me in Spin-the-Bottle as 'She didn't want to do anything with anyone that night'. She then made out, and slept with, my 'best friend' whom she had never met before. FML

by Bo / 04/22/2009 at 9:50am / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Love