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Offline (the 09/18/2014 at 4:22am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 770
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About insomniacdreamer : I'm your typical teenager. Sort of. I have ADHD so don't ask if I suddenly appear to be lost in thought. I'll come back eventually. I'm a rapper, so if you can come up with a better joke than the rest of the doubters, I'll applaud you. If not, don't talk. Message me :)

insomniacdreamer's page activity

Visits<b>rockaroths</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 10:24pm<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 6:14pm<b>morondon000</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 12:29am<b>Bafrinn</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 5:03pm<b>forizidrizzi</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 3:39pm<b>Life_is_FML</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 1:10am<b>izbechillin</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 1:16pm<b>rowdyriot</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 11:27pm<b>katydid91</b> - the 05/26/2014 at 1:44am<b>moonlightknight</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 3:47pm<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 6:54pm<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 9:32pm<b>BeavisButthead</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 6:54pm<b>rabechan</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 11:34am<b>OysterPearls</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 11:17pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 7:52pm<b>Kitastropheee</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 4:51am<b>urnnotvase</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 7:41pm

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insomniacdreamer's favorite FMLs

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML


I agree, your life sucks (56060) - you deserved it (23307)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, two months after forgiving my girlfriend for breaking my heart by cheating on me, I found out that she's cheating again with the same guy. When I confronted her, she basically said I brought it on myself and that I was an idiot for not dumping her the first time. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46694) - you deserved it (25558)

On 06/28/2014 at 11:48am - love - by lovegame (man) - Singapore

Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38030) - you deserved it (9057)

On 06/09/2014 at 5:45pm - animals - by jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43260) - you deserved it (11116)

On 05/04/2014 at 1:17pm - health - by Numbass123 (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I sat and watched the CEO of DreamWorks on TV misuse words such as "quantum". He's filthy rich, whereas I'm a savagely underpaid gardener. FML

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43069) - you deserved it (44455)

On 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by OuchImAMoron (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26710) - you deserved it (5952)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:00am - intimacy - by xomelodygervais (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML


I agree, your life sucks (81069) - you deserved it (4020)

On 07/10/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Wtf (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML


I agree, your life sucks (71457) - you deserved it (8394)

On 07/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53485) - you deserved it (6134)

On 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm - work - by DocKreso (man) - Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska)

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40875) - you deserved it (3158)

On 03/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28187) - you deserved it (2311)

On 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML


I agree, your life sucks (36677) - you deserved it (6060)

On 02/01/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by stainseverywhere (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML


I agree, your life sucks (39998) - you deserved it (4733)

On 01/21/2012 at 5:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

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