insomniacdreamer

Search for a member

Offline (the 09/18/2014 at 4:22am)

insomniacdreamer

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1085
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About insomniacdreamer : I'm your typical teenager. Sort of. I have ADHD so don't ask if I suddenly appear to be lost in thought. I'll come back eventually. I'm a rapper, so if you can come up with a better joke than the rest of the doubters, I'll applaud you. If not, don't talk. Message me :)

insomniacdreamer's page activity

Visits<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 12:43pm<b>rockaroths</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 10:24pm<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 6:14pm<b>morondon000</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 12:29am<b>Bafrinn</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 5:03pm<b>forizidrizzi</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 3:39pm<b>Life_is_FML</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 1:10am<b>izbechillin</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 1:16pm<b>rowdyriot</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 11:27pm<b>katydid91</b> - the 05/26/2014 at 1:44am<b>moonlightknight</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 3:47pm<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 6:54pm<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 9:32pm<b>BeavisButthead</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 6:54pm<b>rabechan</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 11:34am<b>OysterPearls</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 11:17pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 7:52pm<b>Kitastropheee</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 4:51am

insomniacdreamer's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of insomniacdreamer's badges

insomniacdreamer's favorite FMLs

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, two months after forgiving my girlfriend for breaking my heart by cheating on me, I found out that she's cheating again with the same guy. When I confronted her, she basically said I brought it on myself and that I was an idiot for not dumping her the first time. FML

by lovegame / 06/28/2014 at 11:48am / Singapore / Love

Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML

by jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck / 06/09/2014 at 5:45pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Animals

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

by Numbass123 / 05/04/2014 at 1:17pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, I sat and watched the CEO of DreamWorks on TV misuse words such as "quantum". He's filthy rich, whereas I'm a savagely underpaid gardener. FML

by PoeticPathetic / 04/15/2014 at 10:28pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

by OuchImAMoron / 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

by xomelodygervais / 11/08/2013 at 9:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

by DocKreso / 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm / Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska) / Work

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 2:02am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Health

Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML

by stainseverywhere / 02/01/2012 at 2:11am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2012 at 5:38pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy