About insanelyXnikki : "Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and sit your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit."
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20466) - you deserved it (1382)
On 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm - work - by justlittleoldme - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13019) - you deserved it (25551)
On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10543) - you deserved it (20824)
On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)
Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4624) - you deserved it (26172) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23740) - you deserved it (2623)
On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24712) - you deserved it (3440)
Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23489) - you deserved it (514)
On 06/30/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous -
Today, I was babysitting a four-year-old girl, when I came across a toy that sang the Macarena. For fun, I decided to teach her the dance. When she showed her parents, instead of putting her hands on her backside and turning, she decided to bend over and moon them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15489) - you deserved it (1799)
On 06/27/2012 at 4:48pm - kids - by fired (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16785) - you deserved it (8203)
On 06/26/2012 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Heather (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18643) - you deserved it (3824)
On 06/26/2012 at 2:05am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14378) - you deserved it (3045)
On 06/25/2012 at 11:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5322) - you deserved it (14360)
On 06/22/2012 at 3:41pm - misc - by hakura madada - Japan (Tokyo)
Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20521) - you deserved it (2210)
On 06/21/2012 at 4:28pm - misc - by tubby (woman) - Sweden (Blekinge Lan)
Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15630) - you deserved it (2965)
On 06/20/2012 at 11:44pm - misc - by thesmartone - United States
Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16488) - you deserved it (4283)
On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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