About insanelyXnikki : "Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and sit your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit."
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insanelyXnikki's favorite FMLs
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
by Flicker / 05/14/2009 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML
by Anonymous / 05/13/2009 at 1:46pm / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 4:56pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, my boss in my police dept. told me to start enforcing the "no bikes on sidewalks" law which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with down syndrome who was so upset he cried and peed. FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 2:29pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML
by Rech / 05/12/2009 at 7:09am / United States (Minnesota) / Geek
by Hallllo / 05/11/2009 at 1:12am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by t-dawg / 05/09/2009 at 12:18am / United States (Minnesota) / Transportation
Today, I was walking in the park when I saw an attractive girl walking nearby. I approached her to strike up a conversation when suddenly a large fly invaded my left nostril, and became lodged inside. After picking out the bloody fly pieces, I looked up to see the girl walking away, gagging. FML
by jamblasticus / 05/08/2009 at 9:07pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
by keeks_25 / 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by stpdaziandude / 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
by eeh / 05/07/2009 at 10:45am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML
by kekumbas / 05/05/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Iman / 05/04/2009 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Love
by lsta / 05/04/2009 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…