immortalballoon

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immortalballoon

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 24 November 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2635
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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immortalballoon's page activity

Visits<b>boomchizz</b> - the 09/27/2013 at 5:59pm<b>HunterHimself</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 7:52pm<b>shady_till_i_die</b> - the 08/18/2013 at 12:50pm<b>HuntersCreed</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 12:34am<b>cliffb26</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 4:48pm<b>AGhost5445</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 4:17pm<b>mranavayaII</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 4:08pm<b>raininginseattle</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 4:03pm<b>Ins0mau</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 3:52pm<b>xiiauric</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 3:22pm<b>nightfire2258</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 3:05pm<b>stangluv</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 12:04pm<b>Ghostraven2029</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 11:12am<b>PresAgent</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 11:02am<b>Nissan_Drifter</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 9:49am<b>kpc2424</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 9:10am<b>altpokey</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 8:35am<b>o_alive_o</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 5:59am

immortalballoon's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of immortalballoon's badges

immortalballoon's favorite FMLs

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

by blackcat37 / 09/28/2013 at 6:53am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

by what / 09/25/2013 at 10:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

by littledipper / 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

by mandm / 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

by Undercooked / 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

by Craigslist is Evil. / 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

by cuntsmom / 09/24/2013 at 12:47am / United States / Kids

Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

by latter / 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML

by MixMastaKDizzle / 09/23/2013 at 4:23am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2013 at 2:15am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my grandma threw away my clear retainer thinking it was plastic from packaging. She has done this three times now. They cost 300 dollars to replace. FML

by peacechick71 / 09/22/2013 at 7:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

by -.- / 09/20/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

by hoolagirl4422 / 09/20/2013 at 7:23am / Hong Kong / Love