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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (90729) - you deserved it (9935)
On 05/14/2011 at 7:15am - intimacy - by ali grace - United States (Texas)
Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30551) - you deserved it (8870)
On 05/10/2011 at 4:36am - intimacy - by Dana (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Today, I saw a car swerving in front of me on the freeway, so I whipped out my cell to report the DUI. As soon as it started ringing, I see police lights in my rear view and got slapped with a ticket for using a cell phone while driving. After explaining why, the officer said, "Nice try." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20076) - you deserved it (19126)
On 05/03/2011 at 1:22am - misc - by AE86Turbo (man) - United States (California)
Today, while skiing on Mammoth Mountain, a man dressed in an Easter Bunny costume snowboarded into me and sent me flying. Not only did he hurt my wrist, he also threw an Easter egg at me, yelled "Happy Easter", and snowboarded away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18626) - you deserved it (2899)
On 04/24/2011 at 7:49pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my mom confused me with my dad. She got in the shower with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71433) - you deserved it (5444)
On 04/22/2011 at 7:11am - intimacy - by Damian -
Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24962) - you deserved it (8814)
On 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22163) - you deserved it (5983)
On 04/18/2011 at 8:48pm - kids - by Jukka -
Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36077) - you deserved it (6509)
On 04/17/2011 at 1:56am - intimacy - by rastafarimon (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16113) - you deserved it (51309)
On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42574) - you deserved it (4556)
On 04/03/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by cantgetup (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, to make my dorm neighbours think I'm popular, I blasted music and screamed at the top of my lungs so it sounded like I was having a party. My residence manager slapped me with a noise violation, and demanded to come in to make sure we weren't drinking. I had to explain why I was by myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6996) - you deserved it (46778)
On 03/25/2011 at 7:05pm - misc - by freshman - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41735) - you deserved it (6420)
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25759) - you deserved it (41015)
On 03/21/2011 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by fffmmll - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)
Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16142) - you deserved it (27054)
On 03/19/2011 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by gayboii (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14051) - you deserved it (64595)
On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Monday 20 May 2013
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