ilovemonkeybutts

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Offline (the 04/02/2016 at 3:10am)

ilovemonkeybutts

115Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Raleigh, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 6 October 1999 (16 years old)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 1088
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About ilovemonkeybutts : Don't try to message me because I've deleted this app by the time you're reading this

ilovemonkeybutts's page activity

Visits<b>tin_cup</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 12:20pm<b>slapstick1982</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 11:11am<b>Marielle123</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 5:41pm<b>AyeTee77</b> - the 05/04/2016 at 4:00am<b>mlove2291</b> - the 05/01/2016 at 6:00am<b>Wane8822</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 6:19am<b>kavank</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 10:46pm<b>failalltheway</b> - the 04/24/2016 at 2:40pm<b>Captain_Brittain</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 11:39am<b>zacharyd650</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 7:29pm<b>Taymoo1515</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 12:00pm<b>crispy_pasta</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 10:35pm<b>Cacksonic</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 5:59pm<b>BDanzeisen</b> - the 04/05/2016 at 11:39am<b>Jake42100</b> - the 04/05/2016 at 1:11am<b>andrewjordan215</b> - the 04/05/2016 at 1:02am<b>holymacabre</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 7:46am<b>InobodyI</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 5:44pm

Fucked!<b>DBpiano</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 4:40am<b>rogwest</b> - the 03/06/2016 at 8:50pm<b>Bonngoo</b> - the 03/06/2016 at 6:20pm<b>eliiteXXXninja</b> - the 03/06/2016 at 2:15am<b>Wane8822</b> - the 03/06/2016 at 12:18am<b>NAH2000</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 1:47pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 5:00pm<b>Ali83</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 12:29am<b>lambda</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 7:47pm<b>Jon123M</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 4:42am<b>thebighurt</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 10:18pm<b>jarrahj</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 1:04am<b>NotPatSajak</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 5:45am<b>Taymoo1515</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 1:24pm<b>Moskaaa7</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 4:29pm<b>Tori_belle</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 9:49pm<b>AscendV</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 4:06am<b>MxAxRxCxO</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 7:25am

ilovemonkeybutts's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of ilovemonkeybutts's badges

ilovemonkeybutts's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2016 at 7:51am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

by bubblewrap / 10/20/2015 at 6:13am / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2014 at 10:29pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

by fishtacos / 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

by Ryuun12 / 10/02/2014 at 11:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

by Stellarum / 08/18/2014 at 11:13am / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

by belljars / 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

by yikes / 03/02/2013 at 10:32am / United States / Animals

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

by dormeur / 01/18/2013 at 6:39am / Animals

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

by Evelyn / 03/19/2012 at 4:18pm / United States / Kids

Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML

by Yuuucky / 09/26/2011 at 12:58pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2010 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

by NeedHeadPhone / 11/30/2009 at 11:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy