Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About ilovedinosawers : I suppose I should write something interesting about myself. But you probably don't care about that. So, just to annoy you, I shall tell you about the life of me.
I like music. Not shit like "fuck bitches, get money!" No, I am an advanced chorus student. I like to preform.
But I hate dumb people, immature people, and rude people. So if you fall under these categories, don't talk to me.
That is all.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML
Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
Friday 5 February 2016