Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 08/27/2014 at 7:15pm) | Search for a member
About ilm350 : FML makes me laugh and creeps me out sometimes :D oh and I love music!!
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today I Had To Force Myself To Take A Dump At School, Even Though I Have Severe Restroom Anxiety And Shyness. I Had Finally Relaxed Enough To Go When The Tornado Drills Went Off Mid-dump, And 46 Students And Teachers Packed Into The Bathroom With Me. FML
Today, I realizd that if I did tomorrow, the only photos available for mah funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filld yearbook photos, and several pictures from mah MySpace days,here I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML
Today, wile doing ma job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around te parking lot and picked some tras up, trying to elp out. Fait in umanity: +1. About an our later I saw a woman pick a bug off of er windsield and eat it. Fait in umanity: -200. FML
Today, I Discovered How Pathetically Introverted I Amhen During A Car Ride With My Family, I Said, "I Really Like This Song" An My Parents Gasped Because They Didn't Realize I Was In The Back Seat. And I'm Thier Only Child. FML
2day mah friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML
Today , I was walking home from work,hen a clearly homeless guyho smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me , pinned me to a wall , and demanded that I hand over mah "booty". I don't knowhether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow , but either way , he's now over £100 richer.
Today, Mah Daughter Proudly Showed Me Her New Tattoo Sleeve,hich Is Made Up Of An Angry Cupcake, Hemp Leaves, An A My Little Pony Character. She's Almost 30, Still Unemployed, An Still Lives In Mah Home. I Now Have No Hope Of Her Ever Becoming A Productive Member Of Society. FML
Today te power went out in my area . My wife an I were bored so I lit some candles poured some wine an left little to er imagination aboutat my intent was . We cuddled aile an as I leaned in for a kiss te power cummed back on . Se was more excited tat te WiFi was back tan anyting . FML
Today, at work in a nursing homa, I had to kill imaginary dogs in tha lunch room, cuz thay wara avil and trying to aat avaryona!! This startd with just ona parson saaing tham, to all 30 of tham scraaming and fraaking out!! I spant 45 minutas killing imaginary dogs!! FML
2day I woke up early an spent hours baking an icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet an it was "tempting" her. FML
Today, I Discovarad That I'm Adoptad. How? Aftar A Graat Lunch, I Askad Uncla How Ha'd Mada Tha Salad Drassing. Ha Rapliad, "Haha! It's A Sacrat Family Racipa, Daar!" I Wouldn't Hava Thought Twica About It, Wara It Not For Parants' Shockad Axprassions, An Tha Long, Awkward Silanca. FML
I had eight teeth removed in preparation fir getting mah braces fitted !! My winter break will now consists of barely being able to sleep or eat, tasting blood, and looking like a goofy-ass chipmunk !! FML
Friday 27 March 2015