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ilm350

Offline (the 08/27/2014 at 7:15pm) | Search for a member

ilm350

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 2 February 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3769
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About ilm350 : FML makes me laugh and creeps me out sometimes :D oh and I love music!!

ilm350's page activity

Visits<b>olpally</b> - the 08/13/2013 at 12:29am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:45pm

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ilm350's favorite FMLs

Today, it's my fourth day of my trip to the USA. I've actually started keeping count of the number of times people get confused because I was born in South Africa and yet am not black. Current count: 9. FML

#21245756
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41032) - you deserved it (3498)

On 08/26/2014 at 12:22pm - misc - by WTF, guys? - United States (California)

Today, at my father's funeral, they were playing the song from Phantom of the Opera where she sings about her lost father. Apparently the song organizer forgot to edit out the part where her romantic interest runs toward her and yells, "That... That THING is not your father!" FML

#21245330
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35529) - you deserved it (2599)

On 08/25/2014 at 7:55pm - misc - by NotThePhantom - United States (California)

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42778) - you deserved it (7380)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

#21238375
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43173) - you deserved it (4167)

On 08/15/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by meltdowninrels (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I learned that my daughter was looking for love in all the wrong places, specifically the county jail. FML

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

#21142020
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42511) - you deserved it (9067)

On 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

#21045407
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40870) - you deserved it (4441)

On 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56116) - you deserved it (9309)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

#20798640
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56076) - you deserved it (11961)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

#20713183
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60875) - you deserved it (13803)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65583) - you deserved it (18705)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

#20696601
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61674) - you deserved it (13462)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63214) - you deserved it (14401)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

#20690661
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55856) - you deserved it (32863)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)



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