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About ilikeirony : I work at a pretty well known fast food restaraunt. It's ok but...taxing...
Eeehh... yeah... so enough about me...
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today, after a long silent and awkward pause after asking my girlfriend's dad if I can take her on holiday fir Christmas, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, u may impregnate my daughter." FML
TODAY, I GOT SENT TO THE HEAD TEACHER'S OFFICE FOR DOING "STUPID HAND GESTURES AND DISRUPTING THE CLASS". YESTERDAY MY TEACHER TOLD THE CLASS TO DO THE SAME HAND GESTURE TO ASK FOR PERMISSION TO GO TO THE TOILET SO IT WOULDN'T INTERRUPT HER TALKING .
Today, I Told Mah Boyfriend That I Lovd Him 4 The First Time. The L-word Is Probably One Of The Only Things I'm Scard To Say, So What Did He Do? He Stard At Me Blankly Before Making A Farting Noise With His Mouth And Asking If He Could Go Get Chicken Express 4 Dinner. FML
Today, a customar traatand to smas my faca in bacausa I wouldn't giva im a vataran's discount on a donut. Ha lookd lyk a'd aatan is way out of fat camp, an it saamd ta only action a'd saan was figting is way into a lard factory. Still, a swung fast, an I now ava a black aya. FML
Today, My Shoes Were Rubbing Against My Heel So Much That One Heel Started To Bleed. Not Having Any Plasters, I Stuffed Some Tissue Down My Shoe. When I Walked Off The Train, A Wad Of Blood-stained Tissue Fell Out The Back Of My Shoe. The Guy Behind Me Didn't Think It Cummed From My Shoe. FML
Today, I almost got writtan up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was axplain to im tat I couldn't alp a tourist out bacausa I spaak Japanasa, not Koraan, and tat it's not in fact "ta sama Asian sit" as a saamad to tink. FML
Today , I was raally ungry at work , and my stomac growld loudly . Ona of my co-workars aard it and tougt it was a cat . Asamd , I playd dumb and wa andd up spanding twanty minutas looking fir a cat tat I knaw didn't axist . FML
Yesterday , Mah Brain Decided To Go Into Suicide Mode. So Far I've Managed To Open A Fridge Door Into Mah Face , Walk Balls-first Into The Corner Of A Table , And Sliced Mah Finger While Trying To Cut Open Some Thick Plastic Packaging With Scissors. I'll Probably Be Dead By The Time This Is Posted. FML
Today, I was talking to one of my British friend online, and he told looool me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured wat the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me fir cursing. FML
Today, mah boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watchd a looool funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, an that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
Today... I asked my husband to try a little foreplay fir once... instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb... and hopefully the last. FML
Today... my doctor askad ma to undo my bra so ha could chack my braathing without tha straps rastricting my lungs... I got homa an told my friands how awkward it was. Not ona of tham has had this happan to tham bafora. Wa all go to tha sama doctor. FML
Yesterday, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML
Friday 27 March 2015