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iiblink182

Offline (the 01/23/2015 at 3:23am) | Search for a member

iiblink182

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  • Number of visits : 2292
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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iiblink182's page activity

Visits<b>ughnamessuck</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 12:02am

iiblink182's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of iiblink182's badges

iiblink182's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

#21322290
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39210) - you deserved it (4360)

On 12/22/2014 at 8:28pm - love - by Soulara89 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

#21321539
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34503) - you deserved it (3737)

On 12/21/2014 at 2:08pm - work - by anonix (man) - Canada

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

#21321099
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31590) - you deserved it (2739)

On 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm - money - by financially_wreckd (man) -

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

#21321028
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29537) - you deserved it (3171)

On 12/20/2014 at 5:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML

#21315476
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39263) - you deserved it (2692)

On 12/11/2014 at 7:01am - love - by Brasilian29 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML

#21312961
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21227) - you deserved it (33985)

On 12/07/2014 at 3:10am - misc - by .__. (woman) - United Kingdom (Brent)

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. I pointed out that due to a technicality, if he hired someone to replace me, he'd have to pay them more anyway. He said he'd gladly pay more for "someone who knows his god-damn place" and made it clear I'll be jobless very soon. FML

#21312556
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29071) - you deserved it (8235)

On 12/06/2014 at 1:23pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

#21312305
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32772) - you deserved it (3029)

On 12/06/2014 at 12:18am - work - by ring-a-ding-ding (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML

#21308641
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31104) - you deserved it (18222)

On 11/30/2014 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

#21299949
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35033) - you deserved it (3427)

On 11/16/2014 at 12:29am - kids - by wtfdad - United States (New Jersey)

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44106) - you deserved it (3857)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37703) - you deserved it (4676)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

#21291810
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44115) - you deserved it (6591)

On 11/04/2014 at 7:03am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

#21291439
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33440) - you deserved it (5170)

On 11/03/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by Not A Pervert - United Kingdom (Peterborough)



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