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if2013's favorite FMLs
by haveahappyperiod / 10/04/2013 at 5:39am / Miscellaneous
by joecool3426 / 10/03/2013 at 2:23am / United States / Money
by pong / 08/06/2013 at 5:59pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 12:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML
by Jill / 06/15/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
by Hurrikhan / 03/23/2013 at 7:43am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Animals
Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML
by Anonymous / 02/22/2013 at 8:47pm / Australia / Transportation
Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML
by Female / 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by Wtf is wrong with her / 12/30/2012 at 12:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by ihncredible / 12/10/2012 at 6:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Money
by Ophelia / 11/22/2012 at 12:44am / United States (New Mexico) / Work
by lea5459 / 11/20/2012 at 1:47am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…
- Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a… Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he… Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were…