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iemislayer's favorite FMLs
Today, I removed the side rails from my truck because I didn't think I really needed them. An hour later, I went to Wal-Mart, forgot they were gone, and busted my ass in public while getting out of my truck. FML
by Anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 12:06pm / United States / Transportation
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML
by a little less poor at least / 04/21/2013 at 12:03pm / United States (Tennessee) / Money
Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML
by Sir_ND_Pity / 03/11/2013 at 3:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by lonely girl / 03/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States / Love
Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2012 at 2:12am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
by anon / 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML
by Boar / 06/24/2012 at 4:51pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by nothowtheydoitinalabama / 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by areyouserial / 12/05/2011 at 8:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML
by Username / 08/02/2011 at 1:35pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/18/2011 at 4:21pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy
by 44haley44 / 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 12:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a… Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear… Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In…