iemislayer

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Offline (the 10/03/2014 at 8:03pm)

iemislayer

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1734
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

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iemislayer's page activity

Visits<b>Katdurin</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 2:46am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 6:58pm<b>denaeb123</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 4:09pm<b>caitybebe</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 10:59pm<b>bufay</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 7:10pm<b>poolguy69</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 10:24pm<b>klondikeberry</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 2:35am<b>lexypaige</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 9:50pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 2:47am<b>KatieMajestic</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 3:28pm<b>laurajbm</b> - the 11/03/2013 at 1:45am<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/09/2013 at 12:13am<b>elliothayeslfc</b> - the 08/11/2013 at 5:58pm<b>iteenlovequotes</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 4:22am<b>neeni88</b> - the 07/13/2013 at 2:13am<b>BirdieBee</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 10:44pm<b>JazzyLOLness</b> - the 07/01/2013 at 8:43am<b>JoshArson</b> - the 06/15/2013 at 1:53pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 11:58pm<b>denaeb123</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 10:09pm

iemislayer's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of iemislayer's badges

iemislayer's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

by sexual parrot / 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm / Intimacy

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

by Spooprfailed / 04/08/2014 at 1:32am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

by unloved cat owner / 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

by Can2 / 01/08/2014 at 2:03pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

by honeybunny90 / 12/28/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

by -____- / 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

by ouharguohargssdf / 09/28/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

by fsfs / 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

by thatisfuckedup / 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend bought me a silver necklace. I have a silver allergy, but I thanked him anyway and encouraged him to return it. I found out later that he knew about my allergy all along and bought it on purpose so he could return it, get a refund, and still look good. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2013 at 3:12pm / Norway (Oslo) / Love

Today, I missed multiple calls from the company I applied to. That was the supervisor calling, wanting to hire me. I then remembered my idiotic voicemail I made months ago where I pretended to answer and say stupid stuff for 5 minutes. I don't think I'm going to get the job. FML

by stupid voicemails / 04/28/2013 at 5:09am / United States (Hawaii) / Work