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iemislayer

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iemislayer

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 849
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

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iemislayer's page activity

Visits<b>caitybebe</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 10:59pm<b>bufay</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 7:10pm<b>poolguy69</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 10:24pm<b>klondikeberry</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 2:35am<b>lexypaige</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 9:50pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 2:47am<b>KatieMajestic</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 3:28pm<b>laurajbm</b> - the 11/03/2013 at 1:45am<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/09/2013 at 12:13am<b>elliothayeslfc</b> - the 08/11/2013 at 5:58pm<b>iteenlovequotes</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 4:22am<b>neeni88</b> - the 07/13/2013 at 2:13am<b>BirdieBee</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 10:44pm<b>JazzyLOLness</b> - the 07/01/2013 at 8:43am<b>JoshArson</b> - the 06/15/2013 at 1:53pm<b>datine22</b> - the 06/12/2013 at 3:41am<b>Alwaysontherun</b> - the 06/08/2013 at 5:05pm<b>ChancellorW</b> - the 06/07/2013 at 11:40am

iemislayer's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of iemislayer's badges

iemislayer's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47510) - you deserved it (12085)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

#21061796
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36957) - you deserved it (7902)

On 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm - animals - by unloved cat owner - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

#21022453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54892) - you deserved it (6535)

On 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

#21021391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36095) - you deserved it (12551)

On 01/08/2014 at 2:03pm - money - by Can2 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41679) - you deserved it (4633)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43752) - you deserved it (4608)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

#20908628
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48539) - you deserved it (6553)

On 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by -____- (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

#20899435
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35716) - you deserved it (2432)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:01pm - misc - by ouharguohargssdf (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

#20841635
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51851) - you deserved it (4266)

On 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by fsfs (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52666) - you deserved it (6078)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

#20724048
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49453) - you deserved it (3325)

On 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm - misc - by thatisfuckedup - United Kingdom

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

#20701323
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62731) - you deserved it (3370)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a silver necklace. I have a silver allergy, but I thanked him anyway and encouraged him to return it. I found out later that he knew about my allergy all along and bought it on purpose so he could return it, get a refund, and still look good. FML

#20652174
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52931) - you deserved it (3880)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I missed multiple calls from the company I applied to. That was the supervisor calling, wanting to hire me. I then remembered my idiotic voicemail I made months ago where I pretended to answer and say stupid stuff for 5 minutes. I don't think I'm going to get the job. FML

#20627029
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18388) - you deserved it (46848)

On 04/28/2013 at 5:09am - work - by stupid voicemails - United States (Hawaii)



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