ieatunicorn4fun

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ieatunicorn4fun

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 2094
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About ieatunicorn4fun : U mad bro?

ieatunicorn4fun's page activity

Visits<b>XxPojoxX</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 10:35pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 4:43pm<b>MetalManiacHappy</b> - the 03/10/2014 at 6:35pm<b>Purplehays</b> - the 12/01/2011 at 1:01am

ieatunicorn4fun's FML badges

50 favourites

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Consolation prize

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Mobility

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ieatunicorn4fun's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

by Tallow101 / 07/23/2009 at 3:10am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

by Terry / 07/13/2009 at 12:28am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

by ILuvYouSoldiers / 06/26/2009 at 3:57am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2009 at 9:23pm / Japan (Okinawa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2009 at 8:47pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

by satanlovesme / 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

by sucks / 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

by IT_4_Hire / 05/10/2009 at 4:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML

by erectioninfection / 05/01/2009 at 2:21pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

by Brastro / 04/07/2009 at 7:46am / Ireland (Kildare) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

by Sick / 02/24/2009 at 3:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I asked to borrow my fat friend's pants for a semi-formal activity tomorrow. I figured I'd just get a belt to hold the pants up. Turns out, the pants fit me. FML

by Machine / 02/19/2009 at 7:18am / Japan (Okinawa) / Health

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

by yerface / 02/12/2009 at 10:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

by douglisk1994 / 02/09/2009 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, while surfing facebook I noticed someone in my network had recently shifted his relationship status from undeclared to "single." We've been dating exclusively for nine months. FML

by Noname / 02/03/2009 at 6:51pm / United States (Michigan) / Love