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ieatunicorn4fun

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ieatunicorn4fun
  • Town/Country : your girlfriend's pants, .
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 877
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About ieatunicorn4fun : U mad bro?

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ieatunicorn4fun's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

#3971502
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48602) - you deserved it (5872)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Tallow101 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

#3705241
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7422) - you deserved it (74878)

On 07/13/2009 at 12:28am - love - by Terry (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

#3232657
686 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75716) - you deserved it (15335)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ILuvYouSoldiers (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

#2896238
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47069) - you deserved it (3309)

On 06/14/2009 at 9:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - Japan (Okinawa)

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

#2867945
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50432) - you deserved it (7682)

On 06/13/2009 at 8:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

#2442070
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49152) - you deserved it (7339)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm - misc - by satanlovesme (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28756) - you deserved it (133742)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

#1818659
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64307) - you deserved it (2451)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:41pm - work - by IT_4_Hire (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML

#1525413
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65333) - you deserved it (22424)

On 05/01/2009 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by erectioninfection (man) - United States

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

#850097
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11619) - you deserved it (149431)

On 04/07/2009 at 7:46am - misc - by Brastro (man) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

#123831
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46232) - you deserved it (5172)

On 02/24/2009 at 3:34pm - health - by Sick (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked to borrow my fat friend's pants for a semi-formal activity tomorrow. I figured I'd just get a belt to hold the pants up. Turns out, the pants fit me. FML

#76555
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11946) - you deserved it (51857)

On 02/19/2009 at 7:18am - health - by Machine (man) - Japan (Okinawa)

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

#34306
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29119) - you deserved it (6311)

On 02/12/2009 at 10:52pm - misc - by yerface - United States (Texas)

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

#18143
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82955) - you deserved it (17157)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by douglisk1994 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while surfing facebook I noticed someone in my network had recently shifted his relationship status from undeclared to "single." We've been dating exclusively for nine months. FML

#6861
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23394) - you deserved it (1746)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:51pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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