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ieatunicorn4fun's favorite FMLs
by Single / 08/19/2010 at 1:26am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I told my parents that I wasn't feeling very social and up for company. How do they try to make me feel better? By inviting a whole bunch of people I don't know to a pool party at my house. They said I should face my fears. I'm now in my room, hiding. FML
by antisocial / 08/12/2010 at 4:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
by thetalkingvagina / 06/09/2010 at 7:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing. While we were swinging, we decided to jump off backwards. All would have worked out fine if my pants hadn't gotten caught on the metal of the swing, leaving my bare butt exposed. The man who was in the park with his daughter left. FML
by Anonymous / 02/26/2010 at 10:01pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I hung out with the guy I've liked for the first time in 3 years. And when he left, I gave him a hug, he pushed me, I tripped, and hit my head into the wall. Then to save his embarassment, pushed me over onto the couch and pretended to rape me. FML
by C.Neyy / 02/21/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Tibblesthepengwin / 02/14/2010 at 12:43pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML
by Stumble / 01/16/2010 at 11:43pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML
by always-the-responsible-one / 01/03/2010 at 3:42am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous
by AnRom / 12/17/2009 at 4:58am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
by ihatecats / 12/01/2009 at 2:05am / United States / Health
by forewhatnow / 11/07/2009 at 3:47am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML
by NotAParabola / 10/07/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Oregon) / Love
by blind_date / 09/13/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by asdfjkl / 09/06/2009 at 1:27pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by reckless182 / 07/26/2009 at 11:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…