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ieatunicorn4fun's favorite FMLs
by sad / 10/25/2011 at 6:15am / Reserved / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/25/2011 at 1:58am / United States / Transportation
Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
by fire1 / 10/25/2011 at 12:30am / United States (California) / Work
Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML
by KaySchrages92 / 10/24/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by box bulge / 10/20/2011 at 9:24pm / China / Health
Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML
by thatgirl / 10/10/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML
by Kayt / 10/03/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by Ramis182 / 10/03/2011 at 12:26am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I had a blind date with a really cute guy. Just when I was about to invite him back to my place for a nightcap, he took out a catalog of Russian mail-order brides and asked for my help in picking out the best one. FML
by NotRussian / 10/03/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Love
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2011 at 12:21pm / United States / Intimacy
by Wife / 08/07/2011 at 8:02pm / United States / Intimacy
by ewww / 07/30/2011 at 10:07am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML
by ceetee / 07/26/2011 at 9:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/25/2011 at 1:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML
by Anonymous / 07/11/2011 at 12:48am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well,… Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently… Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In…