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Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25509) - you deserved it (58792)
On 06/04/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by LadyChristina25 - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24595) - you deserved it (48786)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31299) - you deserved it (49263)
On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28000) - you deserved it (39605)
On 05/28/2009 at 2:15pm - misc - by thats_not_good (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (62806) - you deserved it (14107)
On 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm - intimacy - by alexis89 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33767) - you deserved it (109280)
On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23799) - you deserved it (51229)
On 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm - love - by zero_minded12 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139853) - you deserved it (32566)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50246) - you deserved it (39081)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65049) - you deserved it (6427)
On 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm - love - by airport (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55586) - you deserved it (4410)
On 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62928) - you deserved it (7382)
On 04/23/2009 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by snotface (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45073) - you deserved it (6676)
On 04/22/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by fencernick (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48650) - you deserved it (7075)
On 04/07/2009 at 3:08am - love - by no_leather_of_any_kind - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46783) - you deserved it (127914)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Monday 20 May 2013
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