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idancewithllamas

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idancewithllamas
  • Town/Country : U.S
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 508
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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idancewithllamas's favorite FMLs

Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML

#20109957
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20245) - you deserved it (1101)

On 10/10/2012 at 12:15am - work - by caltech (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14253) - you deserved it (55655)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

#20104739
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23113) - you deserved it (6429)

On 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm - kids - by TheVirginJenny - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

#20104673
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32452) - you deserved it (2165)

On 10/06/2012 at 7:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

#20102964
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21632) - you deserved it (8340)

On 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wokingham)

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

#20102886
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19191) - you deserved it (10801)

On 10/05/2012 at 12:40pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML

#20102415
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45191) - you deserved it (1820)

On 10/05/2012 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML

#20101222
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22290) - you deserved it (2368)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:44am - love - by Dave (man) - United States

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

#20009342
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5485) - you deserved it (42363)

On 08/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by FutureMarine3658 - United States (Utah)

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

#19974233
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6083) - you deserved it (38930)

On 07/22/2012 at 10:13am - misc - by Roma-Jay - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML

#19744137
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8282) - you deserved it (19924)

On 06/06/2012 at 1:04pm - animals - by DuhSteven - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I purposely wore a red shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

#19601147
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20688) - you deserved it (9210)

On 05/10/2012 at 2:44am - misc - by reddd - United States

Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML

#19359815
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21392) - you deserved it (3954)

On 03/27/2012 at 9:08pm - health - by Anna - United States

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

#18500551
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8026) - you deserved it (31037)

On 12/13/2011 at 1:32am - health - by photomark - United States

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

#18123413
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31437) - you deserved it (4542)

On 10/31/2011 at 8:18pm - kids - by VladyBoi (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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