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icertainlysuck

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icertainlysuck
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5605
  • Number of comments : 149
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

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icertainlysuck's favorite FMLs

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

#2682803
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10431) - you deserved it (67141)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

#2681681
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39621) - you deserved it (97814)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:02am - love - by dawg3360 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

#2674249
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51082) - you deserved it (9074)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:14pm - misc - by fatty - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML

#2671287
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63056) - you deserved it (6438)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I called my friend in Australia to have a nice long chat, what I did not know was that my dad had removed my international calling plan, I talked to my friend for 5 hours, and ran up a huge phone bill, which I have to take out of the money I saved up to go see her. FML

#2655501
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44427) - you deserved it (7310)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:41am - money - by tommy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66940) - you deserved it (4526)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

#2637433
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75161) - you deserved it (4455)

On 06/05/2009 at 5:42pm - health - by Michael (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML

#2636104
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54164) - you deserved it (4890)

On 06/05/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)

Today, I was with my 14 year old son when we saw a baby sparrow being attacked by four or five blackbirds. We rushed up, waving our arms and scared away the much bigger attackers. The baby sparrow ran toward us for protection, then went past both of us and ran straight down a storm sewer. FML

#2630273
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44897) - you deserved it (3613)

On 06/05/2009 at 12:56pm - misc - by Pierce (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML

#2609418
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38605) - you deserved it (3855)

On 06/04/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by fmlprobot (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went into work and noticed one of my fellow colleagues had a large bunch of flowers on her desk. As soon as I saw her, I immediately said, "Happy Birthday!" Everyone went quiet. It wasn't her birthday; her father had died. FML

#2594715
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18557) - you deserved it (50164)

On 06/04/2009 at 10:09am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

#2593679
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92839) - you deserved it (5728)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

#2593588
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62408) - you deserved it (3450)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:07am - work - by Mew (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was reading through a local wedding mag's advice page. A mother-in-law to be was writing about how to handle wanting her son to break off his engagement. I thought, "Wow. That must suck. I'm glad I like my mother-in-law to be." And then I saw her name. FML

#2593216
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64385) - you deserved it (2688)

On 06/04/2009 at 7:11am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while walking down the street, a homeless man walked up to me. He opened his mouth to say something and I immediately said that I didn't have any spare change because I was late for work. He then said "I was gonna ask you for the time, dickwad". Apparently he wasn't homeless. FML

#2592109
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7786) - you deserved it (65505)

On 06/04/2009 at 4:07am - misc - by NoNaMe - Australia (New South Wales)



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