Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

icertainlysuck

Search for a member

icertainlysuck

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5945
  • Number of comments : 149
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

icertainlysuck's page activity

Visits<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 11:10am<b>buckstop1</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 12:12am<b>VivaLaColdplay</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 4:59pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 10:16am<b>DippinGrizzly907</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 10:38am<b>Wellsley_493</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 7:33pm<b>ILoveHashtags</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 12:58am<b>2001SashaRocks</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 10:08pm<b>alock1031</b> - the 05/27/2010 at 3:05am<b>Freeze</b> - the 03/15/2010 at 10:55pm<b>Chicagoan2009</b> - the 02/04/2010 at 2:28am<b>aka_88</b> - the 11/16/2009 at 1:19pm<b>tehgeorgeh</b> - the 09/10/2009 at 1:03pm<b>hellomynameisril</b> - the 09/06/2009 at 3:56am<b>sourskittlez</b> - the 09/02/2009 at 9:21am<b>hannuhhhdee</b> - the 09/01/2009 at 10:18pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 09/01/2009 at 6:57pm<b>pentameter</b> - the 09/01/2009 at 5:05pm

icertainlysuck's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

icertainlysuck's favorite FMLs

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

#15334821
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15933) - you deserved it (47526)

On 03/16/2011 at 9:01am - work - by Almostfunny (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

#15052365
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7277) - you deserved it (96742)

On 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by :/ - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

#14990668
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46197) - you deserved it (13259)

On 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

#14806356
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43320) - you deserved it (7936)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

#14626510
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31876) - you deserved it (4680)

On 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML

#12874867
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26299) - you deserved it (3939)

On 09/02/2010 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by anonymous.. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45787) - you deserved it (14580)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

#12006480
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42258) - you deserved it (4208)

On 07/20/2010 at 5:17pm - misc - by notmuchfun - United States (Michigan)

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

#5464922
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11242) - you deserved it (41701)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by Needasafe1234 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

#5424247
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16402) - you deserved it (33834)

On 09/23/2009 at 6:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

#5292418
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19984) - you deserved it (94146)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by sarahh38 (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML

#5247721
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46002) - you deserved it (3879)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

#5203249
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10256) - you deserved it (42168)

On 09/12/2009 at 8:00am - love - by TrainedBF (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

#5189179
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29874) - you deserved it (18068)

On 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm - work - by jeph23 (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59239) - you deserved it (15272)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: