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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6886
  • Number of comments : 149
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

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icertainlysuck's page activity

Visits<b>storrent</b> - the 08/29/2016 at 3:53pm<b>Baller121</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 7:00pm<b>melons</b> - the 10/05/2015 at 7:44pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 8:43am<b>nickdailey</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 3:30pm<b>m_a_d_d_i_e</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 10:58am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 11:10am<b>buckstop1</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 12:12am<b>VivaLaColdplay</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 4:59pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 10:16am<b>DippinGrizzly907</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 10:38am<b>Wellsley_493</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 7:33pm<b>ILoveHashtags</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 12:58am<b>2001SashaRocks</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 10:08pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 4:37am<b>alock1031</b> - the 05/27/2010 at 3:05am<b>Freeze</b> - the 03/15/2010 at 10:55pm<b>Chicagoan2009</b> - the 02/04/2010 at 2:28am

icertainlysuck's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

icertainlysuck's favorite FMLs

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

by Almostfunny / 03/16/2011 at 9:01am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

by :/ / 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML

by anonymous.. / 09/02/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

by notmuchfun / 07/20/2010 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

by Needasafe1234 / 09/25/2009 at 11:24am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2009 at 6:23am / Singapore / Kids

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

by sarahh38 / 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2009 at 5:41am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

by TrainedBF / 09/12/2009 at 8:00am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

by jeph23 / 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous