I'm so sorry I've been so down.
I started doubting things could ever turn around.
And I began to believe that all we are is material.
It's nonsensical.
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27502) - you totally deserved it (1526)
On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23324) - you totally deserved it (6467)
On 08/28/2009 at 3:51am - misc - by pistonchamp159 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51518) - you totally deserved it (1552)
On 08/27/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by abercrombieef (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my dad met my boyfriend. The first words out of my dad's mouth were "If my daughter sees your penis, I'll cut it off". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43335) - you totally deserved it (4473)
On 08/27/2009 at 6:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28942) - you totally deserved it (12136)
On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31163) - you totally deserved it (949)
On 08/27/2009 at 7:51am - misc - by buzzzzkill (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5470) - you totally deserved it (21773)
On 08/26/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26541) - you totally deserved it (12271)
On 08/25/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5671) - you totally deserved it (52404)
On 08/18/2009 at 4:04am - misc - by probably_the_ex_now (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my boyfriend who likes to get high was driving me insisting he wasn't currently high. A family of deer was standing on the side of the road and he pulled over by them waited until they walked closer to us and said, "what seems to be the problem officers?" He wasn't kidding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14745) - you totally deserved it (25298)
On 08/07/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by Jstar - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I like. I looked into his eyes and said, "Your eyes are so blue, like the ocean." He replied by saying, "Your eyes are so brown... like my shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (62877) - you totally deserved it (10275)
On 04/12/2009 at 1:06am - love - by s3rp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for the first time for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there". Long awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20200) - you totally deserved it (81311)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was in an elevator with my brother and a woman. He signs to me that she has a 'damn fine ass'. I chuckle and then shake my head. He shrugs. A second later the woman signs to us, 'Rick, don't you remember me?' Turns out she helped teach my brother sign language when he was six. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30833) - you totally deserved it (17066)
On 03/18/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by elevator-troubles (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)
Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28890) - you totally deserved it (63463)
On 03/18/2009 at 1:22am - intimacy - by myennechee (woman) - Germany (Hamburg)
Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12014) - you totally deserved it (41348)
On 03/17/2009 at 11:48pm - misc - by jina (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)
