About iamabamf : Everything I do is motherfucking awesome.
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Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (20541) - you deserved it (74720)
On 03/09/2009 at 9:35am - intimacy - by Ethan (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48004) - you deserved it (3234)
On 03/09/2009 at 2:15am - work - by unsatisfied (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53404) - you deserved it (8610)
On 03/06/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by cumguzzler - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32270) - you deserved it (74215)
On 03/04/2009 at 12:40am - money - by ch (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37056) - you deserved it (5678)
On 03/02/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by nerd (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50668) - you deserved it (8817)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:26pm - love - by ak (man) - United States (Alaska)
Today, my boyfriend and his family had invited me to go on a Tropical family trip with them. When we got to the airport, security stopped me and opened my carry-on bag. I'd forgotten about the no-liquids rule. They took out a bottle of Massage Oil, Lube, Vagasil and Nair. His whole family saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20912) - you deserved it (54637)
On 03/01/2009 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by Kammy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (204781) - you deserved it (44782)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35218) - you deserved it (19890)
On 02/26/2009 at 11:08am - kids - by iailwkrb (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19655) - you deserved it (31711)
On 02/26/2009 at 9:13am - work - by Kasizzle (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (61807) - you deserved it (15468)
On 02/24/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by addictedtofml (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (61807) - you deserved it (15468)
On 02/24/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by addictedtofml (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44000) - you deserved it (7000)
On 02/19/2009 at 8:39pm - love - by Skido (man) - United States (California)
Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27955) - you deserved it (4700)
On 02/18/2009 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by happyasaclam (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37878) - you deserved it (2688)
On 02/18/2009 at 5:09pm - kids - by Spotted (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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