About iamabamf : Everything I do is motherfucking awesome.
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Today, my girlfriend was complaining that we don't have "a song". Irritated, I told her that I'd put on the radio, and whatever song was playing was our song from now on. I switched on the radio, and "It's Not Fair" by Lily Allen was playing. Our song is about premature ejaculation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12783) - you deserved it (51338)
On 04/28/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11910) - you deserved it (64167)
On 04/28/2009 at 4:53am - love - by H-B (man) - United States
Today, I ran into a girl I used to go to school with. We went out for dinner to catch up, and we ended up at my house, watching movies and cuddling. This fantastic and spontaneous date was concluded with several kisses. I dropped her off at her car and drove off. I forgot to get her number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23184) - you deserved it (46387)
On 04/27/2009 at 3:21am - love - by PIRATE_ (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48059) - you deserved it (8364)
On 04/27/2009 at 12:43am - love - by frenchgirlll (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my fiancée got out of the shower, completely shaved. I went over to her, wrapped her in a hug and asked her what the occasion was. She pulled away and said that she had a gyno appointment. My fiancée will clean up for the gyno, but not for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43873) - you deserved it (7526)
On 04/26/2009 at 3:15pm - love - by jimboxo (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, While I was running around the block I had this urge to spit. Suddenly I noticed this beautiful girl running in front me. Trying to impress her, I smiled and by mistake drooled everything on the pavement. She wasn't impressed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10515) - you deserved it (33208)
On 04/24/2009 at 8:13pm - misc - by djteller (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9881) - you deserved it (46237)
On 04/24/2009 at 1:20pm - health - by JohnFarrell (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying abroad for a year. She ran to hug me, and I wanted to pick her up and spin her around, like they do in those romantic movies. I tried to do that, but instead I dropped her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14299) - you deserved it (38371)
On 04/23/2009 at 7:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62933) - you deserved it (7382)
On 04/23/2009 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by snotface (man) - United States (New York)
Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49546) - you deserved it (9127)
On 04/22/2009 at 4:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML
I agree, your life sucks (17995) - you deserved it (73310)
On 04/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by Screwed (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was at a party. The girl I'm madly in love with referred to me as her 'Gay Friend.' She refused to kiss me in Spin-the-Bottle as 'She didn't want to do anything with anyone that night'. She then made out, and slept with, my 'best friend' whom she had never met before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64346) - you deserved it (4489)
On 04/22/2009 at 9:50am - love - by Bo (man) - United Kingdom (Wigan)
Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12869) - you deserved it (57260)
On 04/17/2009 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML
I agree, your life sucks (119906) - you deserved it (6190)
On 04/12/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by suckstobeme (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite; this dog was no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40259) - you deserved it (11898)
On 04/11/2009 at 10:39pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Friday 24 May 2013
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