About iamabamf : Everything I do is motherfucking awesome.
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Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64847) - you deserved it (5047)
On 06/07/2009 at 5:49pm - intimacy - by BW (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41537) - you deserved it (8875)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54673) - you deserved it (1713)
On 05/28/2009 at 12:19am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42787) - you deserved it (16216)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by Tootsy_Roll_Pop (man) - United States
Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14029) - you deserved it (40625)
On 05/23/2009 at 3:37am - misc - by arrestedgun (man) - Canada
Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13577) - you deserved it (94111)
On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26623) - you deserved it (62223)
On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38490) - you deserved it (2933)
On 05/07/2009 at 3:15pm - work - by nojob (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44945) - you deserved it (3246)
On 05/07/2009 at 3:40am - misc - by mikesok988 (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (84835) - you deserved it (16569)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32770) - you deserved it (7661)
On 05/05/2009 at 10:40pm - misc - by soldier (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67717) - you deserved it (5293)
On 05/04/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by JessBaby (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19880) - you deserved it (197885)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64277) - you deserved it (22210)
On 05/01/2009 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by erectioninfection (man) - United States
Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64277) - you deserved it (22210)
On 05/01/2009 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by erectioninfection (man) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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