About iamabamf : Everything I do is motherfucking awesome.
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Today, while eating a Subway sandwich, I was watching a comedian on TV. As he said his signature line, I laughed hysterically and accidentally snorted a jalapeño into my nose. I spent the next 5 minutes trying to snort out the little piece that got lodged into my nostril. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30282) - you deserved it (10118)
On 07/13/2009 at 2:17am - misc - by zombielover1 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42115) - you deserved it (9497)
On 07/12/2009 at 2:45am - love - by nameless (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43035) - you deserved it (7440)
On 07/11/2009 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by policeopenup (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one ripe. My husband yelled "she likes to eat beans." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48042) - you deserved it (7509)
On 07/11/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by 1234 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19116) - you deserved it (8060)
On 07/10/2009 at 7:18pm - love - by failhusband (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25554) - you deserved it (16782)
On 07/05/2009 at 9:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35434) - you deserved it (19465)
On 07/05/2009 at 2:16pm - misc - by shit... (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33448) - you deserved it (14667)
On 06/27/2009 at 3:03am - work - by EmployeeOfTheMonth (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59111) - you deserved it (31008)
On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)
Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33149) - you deserved it (3562)
On 06/19/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9648) - you deserved it (31294)
On 06/16/2009 at 6:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37688) - you deserved it (2355)
On 06/15/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by bronzemedal97 (man) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25757) - you deserved it (49141)
On 06/14/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by locksmack (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60405) - you deserved it (3852)
On 06/13/2009 at 2:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was walking downtown. I'm 57 years old, and I'm pretty well along in terms of hair loss. On top of that, I recently hurt my left leg and am walking with a crutch. I passed two teenagers, who were looking at me, and I overheard "Yeah, I agree. I'm much more scared of aging than death." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39069) - you deserved it (1640)
On 06/10/2009 at 4:18am - misc - by older (man) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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