About iamabamf : Everything I do is motherfucking awesome.
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Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43813) - you deserved it (2267)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45348) - you deserved it (6399)
On 09/07/2009 at 9:32am - love - by GasAttack (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was "uggg I have to clean all this up". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33601) - you deserved it (3612)
On 09/07/2009 at 2:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were messing around and I always jokingly say "You're adopted, nobody loves you" to everybody. His reply, "That's pretty fucked up, I am adopted." He really was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6848) - you deserved it (52370)
On 09/05/2009 at 12:23am - love - by tryfailtryget11 (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you". FML
I agree, your life sucks (46728) - you deserved it (2601)
On 09/04/2009 at 12:31am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32554) - you deserved it (4069)
On 09/03/2009 at 6:19am - kids - by Annoymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11439) - you deserved it (37287)
On 09/02/2009 at 7:19am - intimacy - by keepsmiling - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)
Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister saying "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36695) - you deserved it (6556)
On 09/01/2009 at 3:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9622) - you deserved it (48887)
On 08/29/2009 at 11:13am - love - by coolhand (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML
I agree, your life sucks (35443) - you deserved it (7230)
On 08/29/2009 at 12:27am - love - by notenough (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43949) - you deserved it (2474)
On 08/28/2009 at 8:59pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11321) - you deserved it (45712)
On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27995) - you deserved it (14801)
On 08/24/2009 at 5:57am - intimacy - by Mattyboy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31287) - you deserved it (2017)
On 08/20/2009 at 11:55am - intimacy - by littleguy (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11015) - you deserved it (50223)
On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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