About iamabamf : Why can't I change my username? Fuck.
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iamabamf's favorite FMLs
by wahwah / 10/23/2009 at 2:51am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML
by tessykins / 10/22/2009 at 3:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/21/2009 at 11:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming "I meant it!" FML
by Anonymous / 10/19/2009 at 7:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by ravestradamus / 10/12/2009 at 8:34am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, "I know you're faking. You can stop now." FML
by dammitt / 10/10/2009 at 2:10am / United States (Washington) / Work
by fatnick / 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Crappit / 10/06/2009 at 9:53am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/04/2009 at 5:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2009 at 1:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2009 at 3:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML
by e11ie / 09/27/2009 at 4:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by civicman / 09/26/2009 at 10:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML
by MyLyfeSux / 09/25/2009 at 6:09pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours… Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she… Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She…