Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

iamabamf

Search for a member

iamabamf

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5512
  • Number of comments : 99
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

About iamabamf : Why can't I change my username? Fuck.

iamabamf's page activity

Visits<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 4:02pm<b>Trollx</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 3:50pm<b>ragingatheist</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 10:23pm<b>CTPope74</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 4:56pm<b>fourth_line_dust</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 7:15pm<b>94cobain</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 12:32pm<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 3:13am<b>Zerizle</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 6:14pm<b>Shamp0wa</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 2:50pm<b>sprechensiedick</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 8:21pm<b>kelxdao</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 6:02am<b>hoothootbi</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 10:04am<b>jml7999</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 11:44pm<b>gamerkz</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 9:18am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 12:08am<b>Da_Bozz</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 1:57pm<b>RubenTheGreek</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 6:45pm<b>naaudisz30</b> - the 05/26/2014 at 12:33am

iamabamf's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of iamabamf's badges

iamabamf's favorite FMLs

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

#19472995
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38368) - you deserved it (2791)

On 04/15/2012 at 2:43pm - intimacy - by jonasister (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

#19470748
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8932) - you deserved it (41435)

On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML

#19466370
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21459) - you deserved it (2737)

On 04/14/2012 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I surprised my daughter by telling her that I'm going to treat the family to a trip to the Himalayas in a few months. She promptly threw a tantrum and listed her main reasons for not wanting us to go: "It's a freaking desert there," and, "I'll miss the new Spiderman movie." FML

#19463259
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23137) - you deserved it (3745)

On 04/13/2012 at 9:01pm - kids - by neverakid (man) - United States

Today, I was Skyping with this kid, when his girlfriend started arguing with him. They do this every other week, and there was a bet on when they'd finally break up. I egged the guy on and told him not to take her shit. She ended up dumping him. Now I feel like an asshole, and all for a lousy $20. FML

#19462758
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5619) - you deserved it (41173)

On 04/13/2012 at 7:14pm - love - by c*nt (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

#19460491
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10286) - you deserved it (27106)

On 04/13/2012 at 9:11am - intimacy - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

#19459497
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37920) - you deserved it (7785)

On 04/13/2012 at 1:09am - love - by rejected - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

#19453436
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18253) - you deserved it (47456)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

#19450302
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9504) - you deserved it (33300)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by potassiumgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

#19450302
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9504) - you deserved it (33300)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by potassiumgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

#19410577
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36416) - you deserved it (3001)

On 04/05/2012 at 2:47am - intimacy - by displeased - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML

#19401228
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26488) - you deserved it (5240)

On 04/03/2012 at 2:10pm - love - by jackmehoffa (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML

#19377820
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22107) - you deserved it (2545)

On 03/30/2012 at 6:21pm - love - by sad (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

#19361987
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6379) - you deserved it (34497)

On 03/28/2012 at 2:57am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML

#19334531
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5968) - you deserved it (27677)

On 03/23/2012 at 7:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: