About iamabamf : Everything I do is motherfucking awesome.
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Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19257) - you deserved it (2464)
On 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17549) - you deserved it (1121)
On 04/20/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by ohgodwhy (woman) - United States
Today, I thought it would make a change to go out wearing a hat, something I never do. I got about 100 yards down the road when someone shouted out, "Hey, the 80s called, they want their hat back!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13813) - you deserved it (3783)
On 04/20/2012 at 11:46am - misc - by BadHat (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, driving home, I got bored and started debating how I know this is reality and not just a dream, even though dreams often seem real. The answer came quickly; in my dreams, I work normal hours and have time for things like hanging out with friends, and having a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11148) - you deserved it (2422)
On 04/20/2012 at 4:56am - misc - by metalwolf - United States
Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11698) - you deserved it (6654)
On 04/20/2012 at 3:34am - misc - by Ashamed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12178) - you deserved it (2882)
On 04/19/2012 at 12:46am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17855) - you deserved it (4183)
On 04/18/2012 at 9:43am - misc - by Fartfail (man) - Hong Kong
Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7274) - you deserved it (14397)
On 04/18/2012 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to a text from my mother-in-law saying, "Happy birthday! I hope you have great birthday sex!" I'm now afraid to go over there for dinner tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17511) - you deserved it (1823)
On 04/17/2012 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19969) - you deserved it (2638)
On 04/17/2012 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by blocked_by_fire (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16570) - you deserved it (5784)
On 04/16/2012 at 9:59pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17706) - you deserved it (1147)
On 04/16/2012 at 2:49pm - misc - by Rebecca - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14171) - you deserved it (24751)
On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28950) - you deserved it (1784)
On 04/15/2012 at 2:43pm - intimacy - by jonasister (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)
Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6793) - you deserved it (28768)
On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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