About iamabamf : Everything I do is motherfucking awesome.
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Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17766) - you deserved it (2947)
On 05/05/2012 at 1:42am - intimacy - by CALIdime_15 - United States
Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (13239) - you deserved it (1498)
On 05/04/2012 at 8:01pm - love - by AnonymousUser (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12190) - you deserved it (3147)
On 05/04/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by Garry (man) - United States
Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13356) - you deserved it (2570)
On 05/04/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by UnderConstruction (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17850) - you deserved it (2307)
On 05/03/2012 at 12:39am - love - by homealone (man) - Canada
Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14989) - you deserved it (5483)
On 05/02/2012 at 2:34pm - misc - by EyeSeeYou (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my husband informed me that he has been purposely finishing before me in bed as a form of punishment for beating him at Mario Kart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25248) - you deserved it (5460)
On 05/02/2012 at 11:46am - intimacy - by winnerwinner (woman) - United States
Today, my girlfriend started a conversation with "I don't want to break up" and ended the conversation with "I think I'd be better off alone." So I guess I'm now single. I think. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19203) - you deserved it (1788)
On 05/02/2012 at 7:05am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11021) - you deserved it (37279) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4284) - you deserved it (18551)
On 05/01/2012 at 10:27pm - misc - by BoomHeadshot (woman) - Australia
Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11299) - you deserved it (2003)
On 05/01/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Megannn (woman) - United States
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23663) - you deserved it (2355)
On 05/01/2012 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by rolyat (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at the supermarket when I saw an elderly lady slip on a wet patch of floor. I ran over to help, and I almost fell too before steadying myself. Then some pimply cockmunch of a teen decided to kick my legs out from under me and walk away while laughing his balls off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20173) - you deserved it (1639)
On 05/01/2012 at 12:17pm - health - by karmafails (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (15541) - you deserved it (3164)
On 05/01/2012 at 9:58am - work - by Nice (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19157) - you deserved it (1946)
On 05/01/2012 at 7:02am - intimacy - by epicsquishii (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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